Smurfette's Rambles...

2003-05-23T15:56:00.000+10:00

Back on the 15th June 2002, I started keeping this weblog.

As I approach the 1st anniversary of my time blogging, I find it's time for me to move on.

I'm not abandoning this artform completely, I'm just moving to a new location. The wonderful Diana is hosting me, and you'll find me now at

Lazarus

http://lazarus.mimoza-mak.net, for those of you who were wondering.

My time here has been good to me. I've managed to become the second hit on a Google search for Smurfette... the only thing that beats me there is a cartoon where Smurfette flashes her knickers at us. I guess that's just hard to beat. It will be interesting to see if the Google searches follow me on my move.

So, farewell, Blogspot... hello, Lazarus!

2003-05-20T12:44:00.000+10:00

Zapping through for half an hour...

Trying to catch up on LJ friends pages, and Molly has written a fic and I don't have time to read it *sob* Will be spending much time when I get home catching up with all the fic and posts, but right now, as I come to you LIVE from Global Gossip on Elizabeth Street, Melbourne? So not the time. Even if it's Logan!Angst *sob*

Have seen Matrix and X-Men 2 (and guess who forgot to take tissues into the latter, despite being spoiled to death?). Still Rogue's bitch, and wish I could afford to see them both again today... I probably could, but time may be an issue and... yeah. Was planning on it, but that's not going to happen now.

Everyone should be proud of me... I went into Borders and only bough one book. Granted, it was a $35 book, but it was only one book!! The Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath was cheaper than a single volume of Pablo Neruda. Someone should tell people to print him cheaply *sigh*

Forgot my Angus & Robertson vouchers again. Not happy.

Have piles of notes to make into Blog entries, but running out of time. Will try and make a long-arse update when I get home. Am logged into AIM, but don't have my buddy list and no one's IM'ing me. Miss you all.

Saw BtVS season six in JB Hi-Fi... it was surreal when I saw AtS season 3 for the first time and realised that this was a Joss Wheadon product I had no intention of buying, but to see DVD box sets with my girl on the front and knowing that hell would freeze over before I bought them? It's wrong. What's worse, is that this feeling of wrongness is almost making me want to buy them simply because it's BtVS and how can I not and it might make this feeling of being a Bad Fangirl go away.

I told myself that I wouldn't post this until I got home, but given the topic above, I think I can get away with it. On Friday evening, when I arrived with Mum and H at my aunt and uncle's house, we were sitting around their kitchen table discussing TV shows. I love my family. Really I do.

As I talked about what happened at the end of DS9 despite never watching those episodes (BtVS was up against it... I have my priorities!!), as I correct everyone on the minute of BtVS (well, duh), the current (five years behind the USA) Days of Our Lives plotline, and so on, my aunt wanted to know how I know so much about so many TV shows without getting them all confused.

"Obsessive," I reply.

"The internet," my mother corrects.

Mum starts saying how annoying it is when I continually call Charmed on their BtVS rip-offs, like the episode the other night when they're trapped in their dreams and they all start happening and trying to kill them. "They changed just enough to not have to call it Restless Part 2!" I exclaim.

My 17-year-old cousin (who gets Andrew, Jonathan and Warren muddled in her mind and didn't know the name of "the blond guy living with Buffy at the moment") looks at me in disbelief, her mouth dropping to the floor. "You know the episode's names?!" she says in shock, "That's sick! You're crazy!!" (my mother says that she's been saying this for 21 years).

At this point, I decide it might be prudent to refrain from mentioning the mailing lists, websites, fanfiction...

2003-05-16T12:40:00.000+10:00

Okay. I'm likely to be murdered if Mum or Dad get back early, but needed to post one last time.

I'm leaving at 3pm for Melbourne, and I won't be back until next Wednesday. Of course, Mum and Dad are going to Echuca for Mum's 40th birthday, so I get the house to myself (well, with H) next weekend. So I'll catch up with everyone then.

Heh. Having fun with digital camera and PSP. I need to dye my hair purple. I really think I can pull it off. Do you think it will prejudice anyone against me in job interviews? <innocent>

Anyway. We're leaving here in a few hours, and then my plans are, in no particular order as I don't know when I'm going to meet up with Cat:

Go to Readings to see X-Men 2 (at last!!!!).

Lizzie's 21st -- definitely Saturday evening.

Cat in city.

Find some time to go to Global Gossip Internet Café.

JB-Hi Fi. Will try not to spend money I don't have.

Chadstone. Shopping. Drool. Will try not to spend money I don't have.

Matrix: Reloaded.

Borders. Will try not to spend money I don't have.

$50 Angus & Robertson Bookworld gift voucher.

Feeling Fruity.

New shoes. Will try not to spend money I don't have.

Whilst I have the note to "not spend money I don't have" a lot there, I do have to make sure I get some things. I need shoes. Desperately. My knee-highs need some relief, and I think I'll try and get some Mary Jane-style shoes with heels. I need to get some more of my Peach and Mango body gel from The Body Shop. I need to get some more of my opaque black tights I live in over winter from K-Mart.

Plus, y'know, lots of Melbourne-made lattés. Mmmmmm. Good coffee. Mmmmmm.

Is it a sign of an unhealthy obsession when one is watching the ABC advertising New Dimensions with George Negus, following bushfire victims, using Sarah Mclachlan's Full of Grace in the background, and being caught between squee-ing over the ABC's continual use of Sarah (they used Plenty at one stage, too) and screaming that they can't use that, it makes you cry and it's Buffy's song and she's just sent Angel to hell and it's depressing and they CAN'T USE THAT SONG!!!!

I think it might be a sign of unhealthy obsession, yes.

2003-05-15T13:34:00.000+10:00

I HAVE MY COMPUTER BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's back, and it's usable, and it has more RAM, and I can (finally) use my digital camera on it, and it's going to cost me $250. And that's with the "friends-paying-stockist-rates" discount.

But it's worth it. Because I have my P.O.S. computer back <huggles computer>

It's a Very Good Thing that the computer did go to the Computer Repairs Man, because the fan that was stuffing up was working at less than 40% capacity and it was the ultra-important fan, too (I can understand software easy, it's the hardware that's beyond me). So I have a new fan, plus an extra fan at the front of the computer. It's noisier than it was, but it's worth it.

But yeah. The reason my computer sounded like it was going to explode? Pretty much because it was, if I'd left it too much longer. Putting the computer in saved me from a fiery Smurfy!BBQ death.

I've decided that all those dreams of marrying a lawyer or a doctor? Don't need them. What I do need is to marry a computer repair man. Will come in much more handy.

I realised yesterday that we're leaving for Melbourne Friday afternoon. Friday evening is The Glass House. I realised that I need to remember to set the VCR or else I would be very unimpressed with myself. I also realised that I better check that Diana is going to tape it just in case my VCR stuffs up.

Have new pictures of Jasper to put on Blog. Will have proper Cat!Cam up on Lazarus when I move. Yay me! Still deciding whether or not to take the Droolage archives over to Diana's webspace or to leave be.

Mmmmm. Dean Cain droolage.

Heh. The computer wanted to convert "Mmmmm" into a numbered list. Ookay, Mr. Einstein-help-guy, you're slightly less annoying than Clippit, but not much. You're only here because you're cute at times (and drink coffee). Don't blow it all by being totally annoying.

Have made Jennem's icons for her... she's going to kill me, because she has 12 to choose from <evil laugter> Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! </evil laugter>

Of course, I deleted my Buffy!Rant icon the other day, to try and upload one of my B/A "Thanks, Joss... you came through/now don't frell it up" icons, but LJ wouldn't let me. Then it wouldn't let me go back to my rant one. I don't think LJ liked me. I'm still wrestling with it, so if I use one of them with this post? You know I finally won. Won, not one, Smurfs <sigh>

Must remember to get that international cheque made up so I can pay for LJ whilst the US dollar is still comparatively weak. I'm not sure if I should be getting it done now, and cursing if it hits 70 US cents to the Aussie dollar, or wait and curse when it doesn't.

Must also attempt to make Diana a Vaughn/Sark icon as thanks for hosting. Somehow. Someway. It must be done.

I watched the second part of that fantastic Hollywood, Inc program yesterday evening. The previous week, the best line was from Bryan Singer.

"You can please some people some of the time, but you can never please everyone on the internet."

Especially when one is talking about internet fandoms, as he was.

There wasn't any outstanding quotes this time around, but this series is seriously fascinating. There's another episode next Wednesday, and I think it's the last, which is a shame.

Dad needs to take the family computer into the computer shop, too. Which sucks, because that's the one I use for the internet. But we should also be able to use that microphone when it's been fixed up, so Jen should be happy <g>

Molly has had me listening to Eva Cassidy ever since I read her latest Wolverine/Rogue fic. Evil, I tell you, evil!

Oh! Keep forgetting to say, to rub it into the USA residents I've gotten addicted to Tim Tams. Because according to the paper over here yesterday, Arnotts is selling them in the UK now. But not the USA.

From The Herald Sun on the 14th May:

Arnott's sucks up to the Brits

Arnott's is hoping to capture the expat market in London with the launch of Tim Tams there.

The chocolate biscuit will be sold by supermarket chain Tesco for $3.20 a packet (Smurfy note: Australian dollars, people). Arnott's is hoping to sell up to 2.5 million packets in the first year.

More than 30 million packs are sold in Australia every year.

"They've been in the stores for three weeks now and the figures are starting to look really good," marketing consultant Dan Koziol said.

Tim Tams became popular in England after Natalie Imbruglia demonstrated the Tim Tam suck in 2001 on television.

That involves biting off opposite corners of a Tim Tam, sticking a corner into a cuppa and sucking through the biscuit.

I'm a little worried about the new Matrix film. I was reading a review that described Neo in the new film as a mix of "Jesus Christ, the Dalai Lama and Jet Li". Okay, define a Mary Sue... he's able to fly, and it's just... we saw at the end of the first Matrix film that he can control it all, and... I'm terrified they'll have turned him into the definitive Mary Sue.

2003-05-13T16:27:00.000+10:00

Well, I broke a promise to myself last night.

I turned my computer on. And it was still as sick as ever.

I've booked it into the computer shop, hopefully for tomorrow. But I don't know how long it will take or anything, so... there's a part of me that's still hesitant. I'm pretty sure it's just the fan, and therefore more than fixable, but... I don't want them to say, "sorry, we can't fix it, we wiped the harddrive..."

Of course, it's not like it's terribly workable at the moment anyway. I could only use it for an hour or so last night (and then cursed myself because I meant to call Cat and time ran away from me... I only meant to use it for half that time).

However, I got some of the pictures I wanted to experiment with for the icon Jennem wants (and I've now found some text for them!! Just need to get on that computer again for the fonts <g>), I made one for Luc that she seems to love (to my immense relief), and I've made a number of Rogue icons using lyrics to Dido's Honestly Okay.

I was talking to Diana the other night about how I wanted to add lyrics to a lovely icon I've got from X-2 Icons... it's one of Rogue at the train-station from the first film, just as Cerebro finds her, which the maker added some nice painted effects to. But I dislike using plain icons... I like to have some form of text on them.

The problem is, whenever I looked at it I saw loneliness and couldn't get The Whitlams out of my head. "There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness..." The loneliness part was fine, although I thought that the aphrodisiac part might have been less fitting.

Then we both thought of Honestly Okay at the same time. And the more I thought of it and the lines Dido uses about how she just wants "to be safe in [her] own skin", the more it fits Rogue.

The thing is, I'm only using bases made by other people, which is bugging me a lot. I really need to find pics that aren't from Wolverine and Rogue because they're slightly biased towards drooling over the claws, and not much else. Well, okay, the claws and the buckle <g> But I'm more biased towards Rogue because the character (both comicsverse and movieverse) intrigues me with her unlimited opportunities for angst. So that's something I need to find.

I've got a sick father. A sick, headachy, grumpy father who still has to keep working, leaving the rest of us to tip-toe around the house and try not to do anything to aggravate his headache and try to make his life easier. I have a motto when either one of my parents are sick, because both of them become short-fused (shorter-fused?): Don't. Do. Anything.

Don't leave your room. Don't try to talk. Just leave them be, and don't annoy them. Trying to help makes things worse, and it's just easier to stay out of their way.

Thus far it's working.

We've got a police van hiding out the front of my house... I guess the FBI have been following more than I thought!! :p

2003-05-12T18:04:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting here, chatting to Leelee as Counting Crows play from the computer's speakers, and wiping away my final tears as I finish reading Yseult's The Snowstorm.

I swear, that fic is so The Sixth Sense of BtVS fandom. The first time I read it, it knocked me a mile, and it's the same with every re-reading. I'm expecting it then, but God... I keep hoping it will change, and it doesn't, and it just... sigh.

I loves my angst, I does.

Last night was Australian TV's "night of nights", the TV Week Logie Awards.

Naturally, I didn't watch.

Okay, so I watched it from about 10.30pm. But Gods and Monsters was on ABC, and channel 10 had three Law and Order episodes running... all repeats, but I loves my Law and Order: Criminal Intent. Plus, Ian McKellon and Brendon Fraser in the one film? Guh! Like I would take Eddie over them <scoffs>

In Sunday's paper, the liftout magazine had a thing on Australians behind-the-scenes in Hollywood. They had a little bit on Tim Shepheard, and the following:

"He's in demand because: Working on TV's Farscape, a pricey, futuristic local flop that did well overseas, Shepheard invented suits for bounty hunters Ooni and Skreeth..."

"Local flop"? I thought of the 'Scapers out there, and ducked for the writer.

2003-05-11T10:47:00.000+10:00

Gotta love the Aussie TV networks.

At the end of last night's episode of Smallville (Redux) when showing the clips for Linage, the voice-over said, "next week in the season finale of Smallville..."

Yes. Because there was only seven episodes in the second season <rolls eyes>

And they're taking it off before I see Visage, Rush or Prodigal. Channel nine is just plain mean <pouts>

2003-05-10T12:46:00.000+10:00

Damn my computer for being about to blow up!

I'm not turning it on until I get it fixed, because it's actually scaring me with the noises it's making... but I so want to make icons!! I can make bases on this one (and have just made two groovy Dave Hughs dressed up for interviews on The Glass House to go with my icon of him during the Jessica Lynch "interview"), but all my fonts are on the other computer and I've been threatened with death if I get them on the parents computer.

I've finally thought of some sweet text for Luc for her hopeful B/A icon (and am going to use those promo photos for Chosen), I've got an icon all planned for Jennem, and several others in my head.

I want to make a "My fandom does it with more flair than Dallas" for the AtS season finale, I want to get moving on the Beth Orton songset to end all songsets, and a couple of Spuffy vs B/A icons from Touched (the nap vs The Prom and "I've been sure of one thing in 100 years" vs "In 240 years I've loved one person").

I will resist. I will resist. I will resist.

H is watching X-Men 1.5 next to me... will resist, will resist. And Mum wants the computer to do the church notice sheet soon.

I'll leave this with a quote from the leader of the free world.

"It will take time to restore chaos." -- George W. Bush

2003-05-09T22:17:00.000+10:00

Well, today was One Of Those Days.

1. I slept in.
2. My computer sounds like either it's about to explode, or is ready to go into orbit. Or both.
3. My watch stopped.
4. I forgot to take any writing paper into town with me.
5. My father has decided to blame the sleep-in thing on the fact that I was on the computer "until all hours". I was in bed by midnight; to me, that is not "all hours".
6. My afternoon bus didn't come
7. making it so that yet again, I missed chatting to everyone.
8. They'd sold the last English Toffee Muffin just before I got into the café.
9. When I finally got home and on the computer, an electrical storm hit and the power started flashing, so I had to shut everything down just as Kendra IM'd me -- Ken, if you read this, I wasn't being a snob, but shutting the computer down.
10. Despite being stuck in town for longer than ever, it was raining and so I had to find somewhere to sit inside.

So I really need to find 10 things about the day that can cheer me up.

1. I didn't need the stuff I forgot after all, and I was actually complimented on how organised I was. Uh... what the?
2. I spent lots of time listening to Counting Crows, Sarah McLachlan and Ani DiFranco. And trying not to sing along... how annoying is it when people sing along with their diskman/walkman/whatever??
3. I had some retail therapy at Sussan happening. Two very nice tops; one for everyday wear, and one to wear to Lizzie's 21st.
4. The Glass House is on tonight :) :)
5. I know the kick that Emily will get from the APRA Song of the Year nominations (and probably from the Most Performed Australian Work ones, too).
6. Those icons turning Let Me Rest In Peace into a B/A song.
7. The Glass House is on tonight.
8. I can talk to Copper tomorrow!!
9. The Glass House is on tonight.
10. The Glass House is on tonight.

2003-05-08T22:24:00.000+10:00

I had a doctors appointment today.

Because she's telling me that I need to change my thought patterns and speech patterns to develop an optimistic side, I thought I'd make a list of the top ten reasons today rocked. These aren't necessarily in order of most-rocking moments to least-rocking moments, just ten reasons it rocked in general. Especially given my lack-of-chat-time with my friends in the USA and Canada would normally make this a rather suckey day, so... focusing on the positives.

Top Ten Good Things from Today

1. The Ani DiFranco CD I ordered and paid for back on April 1st finally came in. And since I only paid $1 for it today, it was like a fantastic present to myself. It almost felt like I got it for free! <g> We'll just ignore the fact that a lot of the songs on Little Plastic Castle sent me off into BtVS rantage, okay... (Glass House anyone?)

2. I found the Reality Bites soundtrack for only $14.95. If this is expensive in your money in whatever country you're reading this, let me just say that here in Australia? That's dirt-cheap for CDs. They don't get much cheaper. So I have Lisa Loeb, U2, Crowded House, and other fun stuff from when I was 12!!

3. Those B/A kissage pics. Okay, so I first saw them last night, but they still make me happier than I thought they would, okay?? I guess there's still some trace of a non-bitter me inside.

4. I got to go into the local aromatherapy shop. So it wasn't shopping for me... I still got to drool over all the lemongrass products they have there. My normal scents are mango, peach and vanilla, but I love lemongrass, too.

5. They had Sylvia Plath's Collected Poems at the library. They were meant to have Winter Trees on-shelf as well, but that appeared to have gone missing... as someone who's worked in libraries, let me just say that happens. Still majorly happy that the Collected Poems were there -- I think that's where that $50 book vouchers I've still got from my 21st will be going (note to people who give vouchers for presents: make sure there's a shop in question within 300km of the person you're giving it to, please). As an added book squee that made up for the missing one? I managed to find A Choice of Emily Dickinson's Verse (I have Selected Poems but it's nice to have it in a smaller volume for travel purposes) and The Call Of The Wild (which will be much more interesting for BtVS fans) for $7.75 total at my favourite second-hand book shop.

6. Emily's new domain and layout there are giving me happies. Go us pro-Buffy girls!! Plus, Kasey and Not Pretty Eough? Can never fail to inspire me. That song was written for Buffy, I swear (and nobody tell me the story with how it's about her not getting radio air-play, okay?).

7. People on Buffy Icons like my rant-icon. Plus, some people even took some of my Mercy songset!! Leelee didn't need to guard it with her life after all <g>

8. Not only did I get to re-read Molly's X2 fic (dedicated to me!! Squeeee!!), but Reg wrote Logan!Fic!!

9. They had fresh English Toffee muffins at my favourite coffee shop. I live in the area with the highest number of eateries/cafés per head in the country, but there's a limit on the number of places that can make a decent latté. This shop is one of them, and I love their muffins. And they make fabulous date/fig cakes, too, when they're out.

10. I got to sit in the middle of the highway. Where the Princess Highway comes through town, there are big, green gardens in the middle, separating the two sides. There are trees, and benches, and it's just nice to sit there in the sun. I sat there for a couple of hours today, under the trees, reading Sylvia, writing, and listening to Something for Kate, Tori and Ani. There are worse ways to spend an afternoon.

Okay. I'm about to post 12 LJ icons from the B/A photos released yesterday, but firstly...

Why these icons:

Okay. Here's my famous pessimistic side coming out.

These pictures have made me squeee and I didn't realise how much I was counting on them. How much I was depending on seeing B/A reaffirmed in some way like this.

However. It isn't all about B/A for me, and I'll be rather... shall I say... upset if they go riding off into the moonlight together, however unlikely that is. I'll be even more upset if it's Spuffy who wind up together, but for it to just end B/A... as much as my 'shipper heart adores the idea, it's unrealistic that they'll just fall into each other's arms for a "happily ever after".

There's a big essay on the nature of fandom coming up as soon as I organise my thoughts that will go into that in more detail.

There's a part of me who'd love it if the final episode was an hour dedicated to B/A smoochies. But that isn't going to happen. What I do want to see is a storyline that's fitting to this series. A storyline that wraps up at least part of Buffy's story. We've known for two years this was coming; we knew that Sarah was never going to sign for an eighth year. This isn't Friends. She wasn't going to make a fuss and then sign on for more extraordinary amounts of money. Everyone knew and was expecting this.

Surely they'll have come up with some big way to make this series have the level of impact on it's departure that it deserves.

I've been focusing so much on the "it's going to have B/A! it's going to have B/A!" and the God-awfulness that was Empty Places to know much about the finale. And I haven't watched the series since The Gift because a part of me knows that it's not going to go out with the impact and level of closure I found in that episode.

But it needs to. Despite my issues with the Scooby Gang, it needs to go out with a bang and not a whimper. It needs to go out with the group as a cohesive whole. It needs to go out with the style it had so much of before it jumped the shark so badly.

So that's what these icons are about. They're saying yay... the past is recognised and we get affirmation. But don't make that the only highlight of the episode.

2003-05-07T18:43:00.000+10:00

I think my watch is working on making me spend as much money on it as possible.

I had to replace the watch-band a month or so ago, and now it seems to be losing time... or it was yesterday, it's keeping it again now. But as I don't cope without my watch around my wrist, even walking around the house, I may have to get the batteries replaced anyway.

Tonight, I'm planning on indulging my penchant for Hollywood Trash. There's the first of a three-part BBC-made documentary called Hollywood, Inc. screening on the ABC, and I'm going to sit down with the popcorn and watch the fur fly.

Bryan Singer talks about being ostracised in Hollywood and the stress of making X-Men, all the script-writers from Gladiator come on and talk about Russell Crowe (described as "difficult") and his script demands, they bitch out on Helen Hunt and Kevin Spacey... it's trashy and I'm going to indulge.

I've finally managed to transfer all of my LJ icons to a new site, e=mc². This also has those Arnotts icons (or at least what I've done thus far, I'm planning more, but I think that 55 thus far is a pretty good effort).

Just posted to Buffy icons with my other version of my Empty Places rant-icon and my Mercy songset. Meant to last night, but ran out of time.

2003-05-06T19:38:00.000+10:00

I'm a Every Six Seconds, checking for a S&L update (there wasn't, for the record), and Dad says (as he sees the B/A layout from the dinner table), "do you think people are ever going to get over the fact Buffy and Angel are no longer together?"

Well, I bit my tongue, coz this question? So not the one to be asking me. And I comment that Angel's going to be guest-starring on the last episode of BtVS, despite not being in any season at all since season 5 (sorry if this is a spoiler to anyone, it's the only thing referring to the end that I know anyway so it's safe to continue reading).

Mum comments, in response to this, that Cordelia won't be happy. So I start with the Cordelia/Connor sex/pregnancy thing. Mum asks who Connor is, so I start on that and talk about how their child is full-grown (is that right? Or am I misunderstanding what's happened in the episodes) and how there's this incest-subtexty thing between Connor and his daughter... and Mum's just looking at me in disbelief.

"That's Days of Our Lives stuff!" she exclaims. "That's what they do on Days of Our Lives... they have a child one season and it's fully grown the next and the parents are the same age."

I think I've freaked my parents out a little. But hey, they asked if I'd ever "get over it" and I didn't hit the roof, so that's a good thing, right..?

2003-05-05T17:12:00.000+10:00

Everyone has to head on over to Miss Windy's place and read her post, An X-Men Canon Primer, or, Miss Windy Gets All Xmen-Dorktastic On Y'all. Because as someone who has only vague knowledge of the comic canon, and a little of the cartoon stuff, it's essential and incredibly fascinating.

Will have to wait another fortnight before I'll be seeing X2. I want a decent cinema screen, and will be in Melbourne for Lizzie's 21st then, so... will have a geek-bliss weekend because Matrix will have just opened, too, so I'll have a double-header for myself.

My connection doesn't like me today.

Next time I have the HTML pretty perfect on a page, but decide to play around some more to see what I can do to make it better?

Please stop me.

I beg you, hit me, do something to say "ARE YOU INSANE???" because you know I'll completely stuff it up and I won't have any idea what I did that managed to ruin it all, but ruin it all I will and I won't be able to go back to how it was.

Thank God I uploaded the almost perfect version and can go back to that one.

I'm going to just leave this with a line cut from the first X-Men film, when Logan and Marie (Wolverine and Rogue) are on the train. Just before it, there was a line that Logan has about how he'd show Marie the scars from all the times he'd tried to kill himself, but that they fade. Unfortunately, I can't get the exact wording of that line.

"But when you touched me last night, you know I felt... for one brief second, I felt death. And I realised I... I didn't like it. And I wanted to thank you for that."

If there was one scene from that film I'd love to see the dallies of, I think that one would win out even over the sight of all the actors falling on their face (and Hugh's pants tearing) as they try to hop over that wall to get to the Statue of Liberty.

It's a close call, but the train scene still wins.

you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit
brutal.

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-05-03T12:31:00.000+10:00

Pan Pharmaceuticals have now recalled an anti-depressant.

Until now, all that's been recalled have been vitamins etc (we've got sickness going through the house -- I won't breathe on anyone -- and no one's game to take a vitamin C), no prescription medicines. So it's causing me a slight freak-out, especially given the anti-depressant factor.

It's not Efexor, which is what I take, it's only a small shipment and it's only in NSW and Queensland, but at the same time... it's a prescription medicine, and it's an anti-depressant. Not making me terribly happy, it isn't.

I've coded most of what I need to start moving to my new sub-domain (smooches to Lady D), and I've pretty much given up on .php for the time being. Confusion, thy name is .php.

I just need to figure out how to install Greymatter and what coding is needed there, and transfer the LJ icons over to the domain, and we're a go! Yayness.

2003-05-01T20:57:00.000+10:00

Mucho pimpage to Diana who'll be hosting me soon enough!!

Yes, that's right, I'll be moving the blog and the icons etc (at least, I think the icons etc will be coming with me and no longer forming a separate site... it depends on how much space they take up -- yes, D, it does) as soon as I come up with a name (for the hosting), figure out Greymatter and learn php. So I may still be here for months yet...

Been on an icon-making kick. Will be changing the background for the subject of my recent GIP to a cap from the actual episode causing the rantage, and have a number of other plain and not-so-plain icons... may also have to make some Sark icons for my future host :) I'm sure she'll complain.

But those icons will probably go with the move now. Who knows? But my online real-estate is On The Move.

2003-05-01T00:05:00.000+10:00

I've decided that the 1984 layout I was doing sucks something chronic, so I've got to remember to go via alison-mack.com and get some pics... I'm back to my craving for a Chloe-layout. Smallville season 2 is on, and they've started with the Chloe-massacre. I wanna show the girl some support here.

'Sides which, I still adore her hair.

I've got pill bottles everywhere. For the international-type people, we've got a bit of a crisis happening here with dietary supplements. Like, one manufacturer has completely stuffed up, and now half the market has to be recalled. I mostly use Blackmores for my multivitamins, horseradish and garlic etc... despite being more expensive, I trusted the brand name. Now I know why... they're one of the few vitamin manufacturers who have been left unscathed by this. Thankfully, Panadol and Naprogesic are still okay, too (from memory, when Panadol had their massive recall a few years back, it took them months to get their products back on the shelves... I start cramping at just the thought of going months without naprogesic), but I went for the cheap option on evening primrose oil last time I ran out, and now I don't know if Earth's Own Evening Primrose Oil is one of the products being recalled. I'm also a bit iffy with my super-duper-iron-pills, as I don't know if they've been recalled or not... I haven't read anything about this brand and so I don't know if they use Pan Pharmaceuticals or not.

Lovely happenings.

I needed to go to the supermarket earlier today to get shampoo, conditioner etc etc etc as I'd run out, and I spent the hour and a half I was out ranting on BtVS. So I've kind of got it out of my system, and only just got my blood-pressure back down to acceptable levels. I'm sure that if you go to Trixie, Nariya or Copper's journal you'll find the same thoughts I have (the latter only if she's been brave enough to let the public see her rants <g>), but I will say the following:

if I had a car and happened to see any Scooby as I was driving, I'd hit the accelerator/gas

Giles Must Die (or prove what a podperson he really is)

when watching The Gift now, I shall be screaming for Buffy to push the ungrateful bitch over the edge

Seriously. I had issues when season 7 started and Giles was being all fatherly and supportive towards Willow after abandoning Buffy after she was torn from Heaven and clearly not coping with this harsh reality, because don't you know you should tie rocks around someone's feet and throw them into the deep end in order to teach them to swim.

Now? He's left her to deal with saving the world without him, with being an adult without any support whatsoever, with raising a teenager on her own, with having to feed 20 or so adult mouths on a crappy wage whilst spending all night slaying and trying to stay sane... with all that shit that's part of her everyday life... and then comes back and dares act all high and mighty?

Well, fuck you, Giles. You lost any right to judge Buffy's life when you left in season 6. How would you react if Hank came in and started telling Buffy how crap she's doing when he hasn't offered any support, assistance or advice in so long? You're on the same level as him, buster, so deal.

In fact, he's lower in my esteem than Hank. Hank has no idea what he's left his daughter to... Giles does. Giles knows what she faces every night, and left her there to die without him. He's on the same level as Angel.

I might also add that Hank never poisoned Buffy and locked her in a building with an insane vampire. And if the Scooby gang can shove Angel in Buffy's face this season in Selfless, then I can throw Help in Giles' face. So nyah!

::cough:: I think that if I was going to the Buffy Downunder convention this weekend, I'd have to wear a sign around my neck reading something along the following:

"I am a rabid Buffy/Angel shipper and staunch Buffy!Defender. I'm also spoiled up to the current USA episodes and have Uber-Issues. Approach at own risk."

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to go and buy up big on Kleenex shares.

2003-04-28T20:51:00.000+10:00

H's been watching Home and Away, with their Big Murder Mystery.

It's utterly hilarious, and what makes it even better is that all this comedy is utterly inadvertent. Someone seriously needs to apologise for the acting, the scripts, and the entire, overly contrived, plotline.

The show has always had zero credibility, but that rating just plummeted to about -3,590.

I've finished the new icon site, but to put it up I have to upload about 151 new icons (a series of Ani DiFranco icons I've been working on, I've redone the Mercy songset, all the Arnotts icons I've finished thus far -- over 60 of them -- a number of The Princess Bride icons...) and I don't think that either my connection, computer or bandwidth would appreciate that at the moment.

Methinks it will be a long-ish process.

Heh. Mum and Dad are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Molly Meldrum's on. "Molly! Molly! Molly!!" Hee! It's turned into the MCG!

Although I think Molly's about an inch from a heart-attack. Do they have people for CPR there??

edited because Ian "Molly" Meldrum just won $500,000 on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire... and here in Australia, no one has ever taken out the $1,000,000. Oh. My. God. I think that I'll wake up in the morning to the news that a rock guru has had a heart-attack over-night though. He's been shaking so hard. We're watching it thinking... my God. He's going to have a heart-attack.

$1,000,000 question, no lifelines.

Mocha, a choice variety of coffee, takes its name from a seaport in which country?
a). Somalia.
b). Yemen.
c). Oman.
d). Djibouti.

What's the answer?

He's narrowed it down to two answers... and neither are the right one.

He's taking it. Thank God.

Believe it or not, I hate this show.

2003-04-28T17:18:00.000+10:00

I'll admit it.

I have a soft spot for mushy, happily-ever-after endings.

There. I've said it. Happy now?!

The main way I can get that, of course, is either in trashy paperbacks (Mills and Boons etc) or watching romantic comedies. To quote Camilla Gibb in The Petty Details of So-and-So's Life, they're "like cotton candy -- sickly sweet, all fluff and melt, immediate gratification subsiding into craving for substance leading to yet again more sickly sweet."

I'm a little picky at times with romantic comedies, but I have to say that my all-time favourite ending to a romantic comedy?

It isn't when Tom and Meg run into each other at the top of the Empire State Building in Sleepless in Seattle. It isn't when Bill Pullman proposes by dropping the ring into the booth with his family all gathered around in While You Were Sleeping. It isn't that scene with Andie and Hugh in the rain at the end of Four Weddings and a Funeral. It isn't when Richard Gere drives up with the sunroof open and flowers and climbs the fire escape in Pretty Woman. It isn't even Buttercup and Westley's final kiss as they ride off into the sunset in The Princess Bride (someone get the smelling salts for Leelee).

<ot> What category does The Princess Bride come under? Is it a romance, a comedy, a spoof, a fairytale..? I don't think it could ever be classified as a "drama", but that's about it. I remember reading in either an intro to a latter edition of the book or in Which Lie Did I Tell William Goldman saying that the studios had great difficulty in trying to classify the film so they could a). make the trailer, and b). find a target audience... I think I can understand. I just classify it as "great fun". </ot>

My all-time favourite ending, no matter how contrived and unrealistic and so never gonna happen it may be, is the press conference at the end of Notting Hill. It's mushy and stupid and something that would never happen, but I don't watch the classic chick-flicks for realism. I think it's the goofy grins on both their faces as the photographers go into a frenzy as they al realise that it's for real <sigh>

Now I have the urge to watch all of the films mentioned above...

Feeling guilty with all these feedback surveys around... because I've been a lazy as all hell with feedback for some time now <sigh> You all know who you are, and I'm sorry. I promise, I'll try to lift my game somewhat.

Maybe I should just start with a copy'n'pasting of my IMs with Copper <g>

2003-04-26T17:43:00.000+10:00

Mum, Dad and H got back just before... so I'm raiding the candy they had for in the car.

Kool mints (mints addict), Allen's Strawberries and Cream, and Starbursts... I'm only raiding the lemon and orange ones, though.

Mum and Dad had to take the trailer they borrowed back to our friends in town, which is a half-hour drive away. The cat went into ecstasy as they got back... and now I think he's convinced that they've abandoned him again, although the fact that H is still here is reassuring him somewhat.

They laughed at the box of kleenex sitting on the computer, though... I was reading Beholder, okay?! Excuse me if I needed them there.

Heh. I remember the first time Dad caught me sobbing over fanfiction at the computer... I think he thought someone had died. "They did," I told him, hiccuping through my sobs, "Angel died, and now Buffy's all... and it's just..."

Needless to say, he thought I was insane.

Still haven't found the fic <sigh>

You are "Taxi Ride!"
You probably appear happy
but in actuality you've got a hidden sadness.
Tori Amos: Which 'Scarlet's Walk' song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-04-25T21:17:00.000+10:00

I'm looking for a fic.

I've searched through over 100 pages of Google results, and frankly, it's driving me insane. I can't remember the title or the author, which might be having a slight impact on my lack of results, but I remember the plotline perfectly.

The storyline goes:

Faith walks into a bar, where Buffy is drinking. She spends time trying to get through to her, how she's wasting her life. Angel asked her to speak to Buffy... Buffy is bitter... Angel gets a normal life, Faith gets a normal life -- a usual life etc -- but she'd sacrificed too much in order to save the world to ever get that.

It goes on a bit, but in the end, Faith is watching, helpless, as Buffy walks out of the bar. And Faith realises all that Buffy has gone through and how no one ever said thank you... not even her.

It's driving me insane, and heeeeelp!!!!!!!!

2003-04-24T21:43:00.000+10:00

Well, they didn't say anything.

So I'm guessing that next week, I'll be back to online-during-the-day dole-bludging Smurfy, or at least for a while.

Everyone should worship Diana coz she's offered me webspace <dances>

I'm thinking that I need to go to Melbourne for a weekend. I haven't been all year and I miss people. I also miss JB-Hi Fi and Borders, but not as much as I miss people. Both Cat and Lizzie have other-halves I'm yet to meet, and I still have $50 in vouchers for Angus and Robertson Bookworld from my 21st I'm yet to use (we don't have one around here).

I'm thinking the weekend of the 11th May; catch the 11.30am bus/train on Friday (the 7.30am one only goes as far as town, and not to the train station) and come back Monday evening.

Of course, having said that, something will probably come up. But I'm really wanting to get down there soon.

This morning I had the third example in six weeks of why I need to get some form of independent transport... my bus broke down. I fell on the way to the bus stop, tearing open my knee but I didn't go home to fic it up due to bus missage. So I walk there with my skirt hitched up around my thighs to keep the blood from staining it (what a sight it must have been!), and stand at the bus stop in this drizzle-rain-mist (which got me rather wet in the end), blotting at the blood with scraps of newspaper that was in my bag.

For half an hour.

If Mum and Dad had been around, I'd have walked back home. But I was still running early enough to know that there was no way the bus had been before I got onto the street the bus comes down. So I had that hope.

Then this car pulls up in front of me with two vaguely familiar people in it... it was one of the regular bus drivers, asking if I was waiting for the bus.

So I was driven into town in a 33-year-old Valiant by my bus driver. Very different way to start my last day of work experience.

Now, though, I have no excuse to not get that icons site up at last, and to finish beta'ing certain things that people other than the author are harassing me about.

The cat's psycho and stressed because he's not used to being at home all day by himself.

2003-04-24T07:10:00.000+10:00

Watching channel 7's breakfast program because Today doesn't start until 7am, and I see "Australia's Holly Valance the next 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'".

Quote, unquote.

So the first thing I do is jump online (running a little earlier than normal, so it should be okay) and Google.

I'll take my initial 'huh??' and raise it a WHAT THE FUCK??

2003-04-23T23:53:00.000+10:00

I just watched the final scenes of Awakening.

Cut beneath the surface screen of what we say and what we
seem, Is a trick to be seen, She keeps crying out your name,
But her scream sound the same, How fickle fate can be.

Okay, we'll go past the utter irony of me tuning in specifically for the most chemistry-free sex ever seen on TV (not saying the couple because of the Google factor... I get enough crazy searches anyway) and I'll just come out and say it.

So Surprise.

He so said it.

He said it. There's no getting past it. It was clear. I didn't know when he was going to say it, I thought it would have been after he rolled off her and so the fact that he said it when he did... it was sooner than expected and added to the squee factor.

It may be several months after everyone else, I swore I wasn't going to watch it (but N was watching and I could hear it and couldn't resist), but now that I know for sure there wasn't thousands of people hearing things I'm going to do the dance of joy.

And go sleep. Long. And deeply. Dreaming dreams of B/A.

She cries your name,
Twelve times again,
She cries your name,
How long can this love remain.

2003-04-23T20:05:00.000+10:00

Oops. Forgot to tape McLeod's Daughters for Mum.

I know that I had all this stuff I wanted to post today... but I forget them now.

But big congrats to Molly. USC!!! Squeeeeeeeee!!!

One last day at the work experience... I know it's their current receptionist's last day, and I don't know if they're going to ask me on or not. And I don't know how I'd feel if they did.

New default icon at the LiveJournal, from a fantabulous songset to Ani DiFranco's I'm No Heroine (and before Cat runs over there, I'll add that it is a songset to Buffy pictures <g>).

Jasper's been alone in the house all day and going crazy. Must go.

p.s. Remembered that I wanted to tell everyone to read today's Non Sequitur... just change that to "Then you get to work all day and pay the bills whilst saving the world all night long whilst I can eat all your food, freeload for months on end and say how much better I could do this and how selfish you're being."

Obsessed? Moi?

2003-04-22T19:53:00.000+10:00

Well, Mum, Dad and H are off to Wilson's Promontory. I'm as jealous as all hell.

Not only do they get to go to the Prom (not the dance), but I'm not at home to get online 24/7.

I spent Easter Sunday watching Sense and Sensibility (see, Trix, you weren't the only one who had to get it out).

Of course, it took the entire day because it's on VHS and I had to keep stopping it to avoid my classic "hiding under the seat" syndrome.

Note to self: replace VHS copy with DVD.

I have envied Kate Winslet or her character in a total of two roles.

The first remains Titanic. Back when Leo was cute (I maintain my biggest lust-moment for Leo is the first view of him in Romeo and Juliet... smoking under that arch). I don't know if it's because of Jack dying to save her life, the "I'm flying, Jack!" moment (shut up), or that gorgeous dress she wears for the latter half of the film (from the moment she gets dressed again after the portrait sequence with that fantastic piano piece by James Horner through the sinking etc). You know, the white, empire-waist with blue and... sigh. Love that dress. It's the kick dress of Titanic.

The other moment? Having Alan Rickman as Colonel Brandon lusting after her, staying steadfast despite being the most pathetic (and selfish) being on the face of the planet, and then when he's reading poetry to her as she recovers? And when he sends her the piano? I'll turn into a romantic fool who carries on like a pork chop if it'll get him looking that way at me!!

Have eaten way too much chocolate.

Since I'm rereading 1984 for the gazillionth time at the moment (it's my mother's old high school copy no less... it has her maiden name and "11H" on the inside cover, as well as all her notes), I'm experimenting with layers and text for a 1984 layout. No pictures, just lots of quotes and fading effects... it's interesting.

And not being made to celebrate the return of Australian Big Brother on the 27th. There goes channel 10's credibility for the next few months...

Had an interesting conversation with H Sunday evening.

For those of you who can in at the Live Journal stage and skipped the blog, my brother N is one of those crazy people who thought AtS season 3 was the best thing since sliced bread, and loved the Angel/Cordelia plotline. He continually told me how great it was around the dinner table, and I swear I didn't explode or rise to the bait. Much.

Anyway, H has been borrowing Restless a lot of late. He keeps asking me about the symbolism therein, and I think I've explained the "seven thirty" thing to him at least twenty times.

On Sunday evening, he asked about Spike on the swings.

I related Kita's recent posts to him, but then mentioned some not-so-Spike-friendly spoilers I've heard from people who heard them from Shawn.

It turns out my sweet, innocent little brother is a Spike fan, Spuffy and redemptionista all in one.

I'm thinking I could get away with a plea of justifiable homicide. Molly agrees, and all I have to do is find a judge who may agree I'm doing the gene pool a favour.

Seriously, I could handle the Spike-fan. That's easy. I'm fine with that. Spuffy... well... yes, I can handle it. I don't think he feels the lure of the cheekbones, and I'm thinking I need to have a good long conversation with him on what constitutes a healthy relationship and how to not psychologically abuse your partner, but I can handle it.

What broke the camels back, however, was the redemptionista part. Like, the part where he said that yes, Spike was redeemed and a fully-fledged good-guy by the end of season 5.

It really is something we need out of the gene pool, stat.

There has to be something genetically wrong here. A season 3 fan, a redemptionista and me (let's face it, I'm not exactly the picture of normality here) in the one family. I think it's mum's fault. She's the one with the dodgy fangirl past... she camped on the pavement for tickets to see the Bay City Rollers.

2003-04-20T10:38:00.000+10:00

Okay, here's something for Diana...

... and anyone who was wondering what it is about this "The Glass House" thing I keep going on about...

Devoted to the Stickiest Chicken now has a (semi) detailed episode guide up. Including quote highlights, discussions, and more.

Such as:

Ben Lee: I just thought it was exorbitant the amount of money. There are so many tv sets that could be recycled. Do you remember that show 'you can't do that on television'? I would love to see General Tommy popping out of the locker, or if he says 'Saddam'...
Corinne Grant: He'll get a bucket of water over his head

2003-04-20T10:10:00.000+10:00

I'm scared.

I'm very scared.

In two days, I had two hits via Google for "Mrs. Homn".

Either there's someone out there seriously looking for this character who never existed in any series, or I've been outed.

In any case, very scared.

2003-04-19T18:29:00.000+10:00

Well, I survived the hot cross buns.

I hate crowds. I think I've mentioned this in the past. I hate being in a room filled with people with no way of escape. And when it's your own home, I think it's almost worse... technically, I could go into my room. In reality? That's not an option. At 21, that's rude and unacceptable.

I wound up sitting in the corner keeping Jasper company, who was going psycho with the number of people in his house, and hiding under the table.

Emily, you've corrupted me. I just typed "table" and now am thinking in terms of table sex. You are evil.

Sudden images of parents and table sex. I need to go gouge my eyes out now...

I skipped the Good Friday service... sleep. I needed sleep. I wanted sleep.

Although I'm facing eviction if I skip Easter Sunday, so... Mum and Dad say we can skip every other Sunday to the year, but Christmas and Easter are days where we have to attend church if we're living at home.

Am busy making Mulder dools for the blog... I think I needed to get out of the Dan Radcliffe droolage stage (although he's also a drool for the future on the blog) because... well... let's face it, he's 13. Dammit!!

But as for the David Duchovny droolage? I blame Leelee, Trix and Lyss. Just so you know.

Watching Chamber of Secrets... God, I love Alan Rickman. Remind me next time I'm drooling over Dan, get out CoS and Alan. Or get out that VHS copy of Sense and Sensibility. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.

Must download pics. New drools. Must make Alan Rickman drools.

Need to convert all those .png drools to .jpg. The page takes too long to load now.

Alan Rickman. Mmmmmmmmmm.

::cough:: Sorry.

And now Leelee has me feeling tired. Damn you! Of course, Dad has to take a 6.15am Easter Sunday service tomorrow <evil laughter> They so aren't getting me to that one.

2003-04-17T22:32:00.000+10:00

We have a gazillion people coming over for Hot Cross Buns tomorrow morning.

I've said I'll go to the Good Friday church service.

But what gets to me is... Friday, I'm at home during the day, and I won't be able to chat <sigh> And even if I did, Copper won't be online <sob>

But hopefully will be able to on Monday, coz Easter Monday is also a public holiday... and then there's Anzac Day the following Friday, too (Jennem, think Veterans Day or something, 'kay? I'm bound to post on it, too).

Quick question: what kind of parents would name their child Charles Mason?

Yes, that's Mason. M-A-S-O-N.

But I bet you looked twice.

2003-04-16T22:21:00.000+10:00

I just read some spoilers about how they're going to end Buffy.

As in, end the series. Full stop, end of story. The series finale.

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then i'll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you'll ever know

I've been a big proponent on the idea that the series ended with The Gift. With what I'm reading right now, just that one thing that I hope to God is a foiler because if it's true then, as Emily says, it "will be all about hunting down Joss Whedon". She also says how I'm meant to post reassuringly, and tell everyone how false it is.

Sweetie, you know you're chatting with a massive pessimist, right?

This is our last embrace
Must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Well, maybe it's just because i didn't know you at all

If this is how Joss wants to end it... and notice that I'm not going to say what the spoiler is, so I'm sorry to anyone who hasn't heard it... if this is the end, I know that the first thing I'll do is make that There Is No Spoon clique. Because this is not the show I fell in love with.

I know that Molly and numerous others have been not liking Buffy, the character, this season. So maybe they'll say that this is what they expected of her; no more, no less. And part of me will cheer that took this action, that she might turn her back on all the pain and the angst this has caused her.

There's a part of me that would cheer because I consider her family and friends to be ungrateful so-and-so-s who trust her to save the world but not make her own decisions, who expect her to be there for them but are never there for her, and I could go on all day (and have done so in the past). I think I wanted to issue a challenge to certain people ::cough::Trixie::cough:: after I first read spoilers for what will happen in a few weeks that did involve Buffy packing up and leaving.

Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know it makes me so angry 'cause i know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye

What I cannot fathom in these spoilers (and okay, so I'm going to come out and say it) is that Buffy choses to live as a normal girl. Yes, we've had her wishing for "a normal life" (some might describe it as whining) time and again, but... when push comes to shove, she always chooses to be the Slayer.

I know she's tired. I know she's had the weight of the world on her shoulders for way too long. But... it's what she does. If she doesn't save the world, who will?

I can see it being acceptable, if done well. I'm afraid I just don't trust them to manage that.

If Faith voluntarily stays on the Hellmouth (if she's placed as leader of the gang...) it might work -- Buffy saying, "well, Faith, you're leader now... you can feed all those mouths, pay the mortgage, take the responsibility and the shitty dead-end jobs and sacrificing everything that matters to you time and time again with no one to say 'thankyou' for everything you've done for them -- I'm going to go and live life."

But that won't be how it's done, if it's done at all.

Did you say 'no, this can't happen to me,'
And did you rush to the phone to call
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
Saying maybe you didn't know him at all
You didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

I'm heading over to the Babble Board for the first time in months, to read some of the reactions to this. There are some pretty good ones, with everything that this foiler script doesn't explain. I'd hope that, as they know damn well this is the last episode, they explain things a little better than the average run-of-the-mill series finale might do so... but then, I hoped for the same with The X-Files and I don't know that they succeeded there.

Maybe it's true. Maybe it's not.

I just know that "this is the sound of breaking up".

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories
Offer signs that it's over... it's over

2003-04-15T20:45:00.000+10:00

It's fucking freezing. I'm sitting here, shivering and shaking, waiting for that fire to heat the room sufficiently so I can feel okay again and that damn weather-pixie-thing says I should be wearing a short skirt, t-shirt and sandals.

They need to learn that temperatures are relative. Seriously. They have that picture in summer clothing at 12 degrees?? It has to be at least 23 before I take off my jacket, let alone wear open-toed shoes. At 12 I'm well past the stage of getting the woolens out of the closet and cursing that I didn't bring my coat with me.

Maybe the international types are laughing at me for thinking this is cold. But then, I don't consider it warm until the mercury hits at least 30.

2003-04-14T22:29:00.000+10:00

Well, I've survived my first day on my placement.

I haven't updated here with the details yet, have I? I was actually placed with the people who ran the training course -- they're a New Apprenticeships/Group Training organisation, and I've been put on their reception for two weeks. It's not a permanent placement; it's the two weeks' work experience necessary to complete the Certificate II course I was undertaking over the last few weeks. So I'm not getting paid-paid... I think it's something like $5 a day, just enough to cover us under workers comp. Goodie, I say, that will pay for half my daily bus fare (it costs me $4.30 one-way on a concession).

But working for these people is okay... they know about my "special needs" and don't have the "let's throw you in the deep end with concrete around your ankles and we know you can swim" attitude I got when I was The World's Worst Receptionist.

It's for two weeks. At the moment, I'm not in the realm of panic-attacks and curling up in a ball under the front desk. I'm also not the sole receptionist; there are always at least two people on the front desk. This indicates that there's so much work that they need more than one receptionist, but today was a quiet day and please leave me to my comforting delusions, okay??

I've got three public holidays over the two-week placement, which is a comfort in many ways. There's Good Friday, Easter Monday, and Anzac Day on the 25th (the one day of the year I feel the slightest iota of patriotism... and someone catch Jen, I think she just passed out from the shock of me ever feeling anything like patriotism, however vague that feeling may be).

I had some general "housekeeping" notes I wanted to say... hmmm...

purple_smurf, purplesmurf and purplesmurfette over on DeadJournal need to be severely scolded for taking my handles. And all those journal programs that won't allow funkypurplesmurf to be a handle because it has 16 characters and they only allow up to 15... well, sucks to be you.

I'm seriously considering making a separate LJ icon site, because maintaining it as part of the blog is giving me a massive headache.

Molly needs to check her dingo's groupie hotmail address.

I had computer problems yesterday and missed speaking to Copper for the last time in three weeks <sob> I'm going to send her ::hugs:: here in public because the next three weeks are not going to be the best... and not just because she's deprived of my company <g> If you see her (if she come out of hiding long enough for people to see her hinthint -- yes, I'm evil), give her hugs.

Finally, narcissistic idea for a "my fandom" icon... "my fandom has me... what more do you need to know?!"

2003-04-12T17:59:00.000+10:00

I wasn't going to update today.

I wasn't.

Really.

But then I found this page, which is part of Fangirl, and Copper said "you've *got* to put the link to this page at your blog/journals"... so I am.

"Joss was quoted a couple of years ago as saying that the trick to making the show work is to keep Buffy miserable. The trick has certainly worked well for years now, but while looking back at Buffy's life as the Slayer, I gotta wonder if just maybe this one person's been through enough..."

Go read the summary of Buffy's Parade of Pain.

2003-04-10T22:22:00.000+10:00

Notice for Australians:

I was looking through today's Green Guide (keep in mind this is for Victorian programming!) and noticed that both Buffy and Angel are repeats this week.

For the benefits of the international types, Australia doesn't usually show repeats mid-season, but plays the 22 (or however many episodes it is) straight through.

But on the 15th and 16th of April (or maybe the 14th and 15th for NSW and Queensland residents) we have repeats.

The Buffy repeat is fine; I have it circled with stars everywhere. They're repeating Once More, With Feeling, so it's pretty safe to watch (I just love it when Angel turns up at the end to help save the day... who could have seen that one coming, what with the ban on crossovers and all??).

However, I have blacked out the AtS episode... or should I revert to CtS for this episode? I think they're showing the Big Joss Episodes from the last season of both shows.

Yes, it's that one that can make even the most positive fan bitter and wondering what the hell has happened to their show... they've decided to repeat Waiting To Claw My Eyes Out And Rinse Their Oozing Gaping Sockets With Acid.

Normally I don't even look at what episode's screening, choosing to ignore it. But I glanced at it this time and... well... I thought people might like the warning, if they skipped season 3 AtS but are watching season 4. Or if they decided that sitting through that episode (like I'm typing the spiel out again <snort>)

Well now my body's weak -- so just give me a reason
And my make-up's off -- so just give me a reason
And my defence's down -- so just give me a reason
Give me a reason
Give me a reason

In other news, I need to be hit. Hard. You know that list from earlier today? I was wandering around my little country town with Mum, and both Sanity and Myers had Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets available for purchase.

But I decided that I was just going to rent it this weekend, and buy it Monday week.

And I couldn't afford to buy it today. Well, I can, but I don't want my bank balance to go down below a certain point.

So, despite the fact that it isn't available to rent until tomorrow, despite the fact that it was out for sale over 12 hours early... I didn't buy it.

I think I need my sanity checked. Stat. I'm a bad fangirl.

19 fandom icons

2003-04-10T12:31:00.000+10:00

I feel like I'm stuck in the dark ages... I left my phone at home!! I had to call Mum from a payphone to tell her, because I'm meeting her here for coffee when I get out. H has band practice until 5pm (he plays the drums) and she has to go to Centrelink, so we get to have mother/daughter bonding time.

I'm eagerly awaiting a number of CDs, books, films and DVDs at the moment, so I thought I'd make a list of my top five.

1. Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix. How many sleeps until 9.01am June 21st again..?
2. A new Sarah McLachlan studio album. PLEASE!! I want one!!!!!
3. Return of the King. Or at least The Two Towers on DVD -- the extended version, of course.
4. A new Dido album. She's in the studio, when is it coming out??
5. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. One sleep to go!!

2003-04-09T21:27:00.000+10:00

I was walking past Toy World this evening, and I saw a Midge & baby Barbie in the window.

I had this sudden thought... what if Midge's child was Ken's?

I mean, c'mon, it would make a fantastic Days of Our Lives/Bold and the Beautiful/Young and the Restless/Passions/random-soap tie-in.

Ken would have cheated on Barbie with Midge, and I'm assuming that Mattel hasn't bought out a single mother doll, so Midge must have cheated on Mr. Midge. Barbie and Mr. Midge mustn't know that Ken fathered Midge's child, and Midge would be blackmailing the cheating bastard for all she's worth.

I think there's a fanfic in this. "What really happens inside those plastic boxes..."

I'm addicted to toy stores. I love them as much as I love book stores and CD shops. I'm usually found on the boys section (I was always drooling over the Star Trek action figures) but ever since I heard about Molly's 18th birthday presents (Lana and Chloe Barbie dolls), I've been craving a Barbie renaissance. So what you really have to worry about is if this Barbie fanfiction comes in pictorial form.

I've been making more "my fandom" icons... thus far, I have 17 made, in four fandoms. But a question for everyone... what is the official legal age of consent in the USA? I'm pretty sure it's 16 or 17 in Australia (it was never a huge issue for me, and you can take that any way you want), but I keep running into things saying that it's 18 in some parts of the USA. I'm particularly after California and New York. I don't want Utah or somewhere where it's 14 <g> (apologies to anyone from Utah reading this!!).

2003-04-07T21:55:00.000+10:00

As many of you may or may not be aware, I was once a rabid Trekkie.

I was never anywhere near the level of the people featured in the Trekkies documentary (although I do know the Brent Spiner woman, or did once... we were members of the same board, I visited her website/Data-boards when she pimped them and I think I exchanged the odd email with her), I do have a massive collection of TNG merchandise. I have the collector cards, t-shirts, communicator pin (shut up), puzzle cubes, board games, computer games, figurines, micro-machines, novels, episode guides... much as I use fanfiction to escape problems now, Trek was a bit of a lifeline from the age of 12-15, and as my family didn't have the internet at the time, my version of fandom was contributing to the fortune Paramount, Berman and Braga were making from the stuff they pumped into stores.

When I finally accessed the internet, the first sites I went to were Star Trek websites (not to self: must go visit).

Eventually, as my RL friends (this was when I was still in secondary college and had RL friends) didn't get this Star Trek thing, and as they and I became more and more obsessed with Buffy... well, TNG had decided that "all good things" etc etc and I was always the real TNG girl. I'll readily admit to the complete and utter superiority of DS9, but it will never hold the same place in my heart as TNG. TNG had my first real ship (Riker/Troi) and my first slash pairings (Data/Geordie and Picard/Q). So I drifted, slowly but surely, away from Trek and into Buffy. As my fellow Trek-obsess-ees laughed at how obsessed I could get with this other TV show.

Anyway, last night, I spent some time going through my harddrive and opened up my Star Trek folder for the first time in waaayy too long.

I'm suddenly hit with the urge to start making LJ icons with my favourite quotes.

I'd want these to be flashing between the speakers, of course, when there are more than one.

Kirk: The name of the game is called... Fizzbin. Each player gets 6 cards, except for the player on the dealer's right, who gets 7.
Thug: On the right.
Kirk: Yeah. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays.
Thug: Tuesday.
Kirk: Ohh! Look what you've got- 2 jacks. You got a half-fizzbin already.
Thug: I need another jack?
Kirk: No. If you got another jack, why you'd have a shralk.
Thug: A shralk?
Kirk: Yes, you'd be disqualified. No, what you need now is either a king and a deuce, except at night, of course, when you'd need a queen and a four.
Thug: Except at night.
Kirk: Right. Oh, look at that, you've got another jack! How lucky you are! How wonderful for you! Now if you didn't get another jack, if you had gotten a king, why then you'd get another card except when it's dark , when you'd have to give it back.
Thug: If it were dark on Tuesday.
Kirk: Yes, but what you're after is a royal fizzbin, but the odds of getting a royal fizzbin are astron - Spock, what are the odds on getting a royal fizzbin?
Spock: I have never computed them, Captain.
Kirk: Well, they're astronomical, believe me. Now, for the last card, we'll call it a kronk. You got that?
Thug: What?
(chaos ensues)

KHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

No, I'm from Iowa. I just work in outer space.

Enterprise to signaler on planet's surface. Identify self. (Reads answer) "Hip hip hurrah..." and I believe it's pronounced "Tally ho."

Gillian: Are you sure you won't change your mind?
Spock: Is there something wrong with the one I have?

Khan: Where am I?
McCoy: You're in bed, holding a knife at your doctor's throat.
Khan: Answer my question!
McCoy: It would be most effective if you would cut the corotic artery, just under the left ear.
Khan: I like a brave man.

McCoy: I don't see no points on your ears boy, but you sound like a Vulcan!
Data: I am an android.
McCoy: Almost as bad.

"Mr Adventure": No destination orders, no encoded IDs...
Uhura: All true.
"Mr Adventure": And what are we going to do about it?
Uhura: I'm not going to do anything about it. You're going to sit in the closet.
"Mr Adventure": The closet?? Have you lost your sense of reality?
Uhura: This isn't reality - this is fantasy.

I can't change the laws of physics!

N... C... C... 1... 7... 0... 1. No bloody A, B, C or D!

Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us, "Revenge is a dish that is best served cold"? It is very cold... in space.

I shall appoint you my executive officer in charge of radishes.

Picard: Abort autodestruct.
Computer: Riker William T, do you concur?
Riker: Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur wholeheartedly!
Picard: A simple "yes" would have sufficed.

I am NOT a merry man!!

Worf: Congratulations. You are now fully dilated to ten centimeters. You may now give birth.
Keiko: That's what I've been doing!!

Worf: The computer simulation was not like this. That delivery was very orderly.
Keiko: WELL I'M SORRY!!

Jenna: What were you just thinking?
Data: In that particular moment, I was reconfiguring the warp field parameters, analyzing the collected works of Charles Dickens, calculating the maximum pressure I could safely apply to your lips, considering a new food supplement for Spot...
Jenna: I'm glad I was in there somewhere.

Data: Yes! I hate this! It is revolting!!
Guinan: More?
Data: Please.

How to eat a chocolate sundae: First of all, you have to spoon the fudge around the rim, leaving only the ice cream in the middle. Then you gently spoon the ice cream around the sides, like you're sculpting it. Relish every bit, make every one an event, and then, with the last spoonful, close your eyes.
Riker: I had no idea it was such a ritual.
Troi: Chocolate is a serious thing.

Timeline? This is no time to argue about time, we don't have the time!

This is getting on my nerves, now that I have them.

Guinan: I hear they've drummed you out of the continuum.
Q: I like to think of it as a significant career change.
Guinan: Just one of the boys, eh?
Q: One of the boys with an IQ of 2005.
Data: The Captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.
Guinan: Really? (stabs Q with a fork) He seems human enough for me.

Odo: Every sixteenth hour, I turn into a liquid!
Lwaxana: I can swim.

Bashir: What are you eating?
O'Brien: I'm not eating, I'm chewing.
Bashir: Chewing what?
O'Brien: Gum. It's traditional. I had the replicator create me some.
Bashir: They just chewed it?
O'Brien: No, they infused the gum with flavour.
Bashir: What did you infuse it with?
O'Brien: Scotch.

Odo: I heard an interesting rumour today.
Quark: Only one? I started at least twelve.

Bashir: If you lie all the time, no one is going to believe you, even when you're telling the truth.
Garak: Are you sure that's the point, Doctor?
Bashir: Of course. What else would it be?
Garak: That you should never tell the same lie twice.

Dax: And, as the 34th Rule of Acquisition states: "Peace is good for business."
Quark: That's the 35th Rule.
Dax: Oh, that's right. What's the 34th?
Quark: "War is good for business." It's easy to get them confused.

Bashir: Wait a minute, aren't you two wearing the wrong colours?
O'Brien: Don't you know anything about this time period?
Bashir: I'm a doctor, not an historian.
Sisko: In the old days, operations officers wore red, command officers wore gold.
Dax (entering): And women wore less.
Bashir: I think I'm going to like history.

Odo: Klingons?
Waitress: Over there... and over there.
Bashir: Those are Klingons??
Waitress: All right, you boys have had enough.
(Everyone turns to look at Worf.)
Odo: Mr Worf?
Worf: They are Klingons. And it is a long story.
O'Brien: What happened? Some kind of genetic engineering?
Bashir: A viral mutation?
Worf: We do not discuss it with outsiders.

Gah! And that's on my limited-collection of quotes. Then there's my collection of answers the crew would make to the question "why did the chicken cross the road", and I have no idea where I got it from but there would be some great LJ icons in it...

"You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!"

"KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads."

Of course, my favourite one is "The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir."

::cough:: No, I've never been a Trekkie <innocent>

So I'm craving the DVDs now. All seven seasons of TNG are available here, so I thought... why not? I'll go into Myers today and put season one on lay-by.

They didn't have season one in store, but they did have several others.

The cheapest of which was AU$189.

That was season 5; the other seasons they had in stock (I forget which ones they were) all had price tags set at $229.

Maybe I'm just cheap. I didn't look at the number of disks contained in the box set, nor did I look at the special features. I was concentrating more on trying to get the blood to start back up to my head before I passed out.

Am I being cheap? Am I asking for too much, if I want to pay less? Or do I start writing dirty letters to people who think fans will buy anything, no matter the price set?

... says the girl with a cube that has no purpose other than that if you fold it one way you see a picture of the Enterprise-D, fold it another way for two TNG cast pics, and when it's in cube form it has pictures of Deanna, Riker, Picard, Geordie and Data on the outside.

I think what pisses me off most of all is the knowledge that yes, one day I probably will pay the outrageous price being asked. Because sometimes, a fan's gotta do what a fan's gotta do.

BTW, if I say at any time in the next two weeks that I've bought a new CD (other than Ani's Little Plastic Castles because I've already paid for that so it doesn't count), DVD or book, hit me. Hard. Tell me how stupid I am and cut up my plastic cards (I don't have a credit card, thank God, but I take too much out of my bank accounts... I'm meant to be saving, damn it!). I bought two Ani CDs today (up up up up up up and Living in Clip, which I have a burnt copy of from Cat but I wanted the actual copy with tour book etc etc etc), and then when I bough Girl, Interrupted (which I've been wanting to buy for ages) I saw that they finally had X-Men 1.5 in store and... well... me = Rogue's bitch. Plus, there's the buckle to consider.

So shoot me, stuff me, hang me on the wall, but don't let me buy any more CDs. As I was leaving Sanity I saw PJ Harvey for the first time in my little country town (damn you, Alley!) and nearly bought... but I thought that $80+ on CDs in the one day was a little too much, even for me. As it is, I spent $122.85 on CD and DVDs today...

And that's almost enough to buy one season of TNG.

2003-04-06T15:25:00.000+10:00

If you've been on any LJ icon community of late, you'll realise that there's this obsession with "my fandom" icons.

And I couldn't resist.

and I think I broked Speedis, so if it's still down, go to the "icony goodness" link to the left and you'll see it.

I'm in a mood today... I don't know what mood, but it's a mood. I think I've got this anticipation thing going... yesterday, just as I was about to go and read the new part of Gia's Secret and Lies H's birthday dinner was served. I knew that when I got back to the computer Copper would be offline and so I promised her I wouldn't read it until we were both online tomorrow (she likes my continual comments/commentary for some reason) and now I'm dying here.

I do that a lot when I'm reading things online, sharing of either the amusing parts, the parts where I wanna flay Angel (and then bathe him in salt water and lemon juice), the parts where I'm just dying for Buffy (or abusing the author for not understanding her <g>), the "oh, my God, what's with this person and why don't they either get a beta or read through it after they've written this" parts, and so on. The "I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY JUST LEFT IT THERE!!!!!!" with crappy cliff-hangers.

And I'm not allowed to do that because I can't bloody leave my room (hence typing this up offline) as Dad has someone in his office and they haven't closed the door. As a result, I'm not allowed to walk around my own house, and if I do leave my room I have to speak in whispers. Sometimes having a minister as a father sucks.

I've got Vortex on tape, but haven't watched it yet.

I keep watching my Mirrorball DVD at the moment, and am now having this strange urge to do a Witness LJ icon songset. Just for the line "I won't weigh you down with good intentions"... I have this image of Willow and the Scoobs resurrecting Buffy. Of course, there's lots of other images I have in mind <g> but that's one of the main ones (along with "as we carried the weight and died for the cause", coz... I'm The Gift's bitch).

Everyone seems to be doing lists of their CDs on their blogs/site collectives... and I'm tempted, but have waaayy too many. The idea of typing up and categorising 250+ CDs gives me the shakes.

Sarah's so cute on this DVD... she keeps making eyes at Ash.

you know if I leave you now
it doesn't mean I love you any less
its just the state I'm in
I can't be good to anyone else like this.

when all we wanted was the dream
to have and to hold
that precious little thing
like every generation yields
the newborn hope unjaded by their years

I so need to get a life <sigh>

2003-04-05T19:43:00.000+10:00

One of the reasons I wasn't online much today is that I went to see Maid in Manhatten with a friend.

Yes, I willingly saw a J.Lo film. Stop hitting me!! (I'm just thinking how quickly Miss Windy is about to de-friend me).

I didn't mind it that much. I mean, it was a romantic comedy, and it kept to the genre with no surprises. Ralph was purty (friend said she knew I chat to Americans because I actually called him "purty", not "pretty"), and I didn't expect anything more than I got. I think that expectations of a film is vital... if you go in there expecting mediocrity, then you won't be disappointed by it.

But there were three major redeeming features of the film.

First one was... Norah Jones' Come Away With Me. The big groin-rubbing scene, which means you know there's about to be some massive misunderstanding/revelation and this is all going to go to hell any moment (standard romcom features).

Second redeeming feature... Norah Jones again, with Don't Know Why. The big misunderstanding scene.

Third redeeming feature... Eva Cassidy's cover of Kathy's Song. The whole "life goes on but they're both miserable without each other" montage.

I can even forgive them the gazillion and one J.Lo songs for those three.

Big "squee" moments today... a). chatting to Copper, b). Indie's viginette, and c). Sam's Hey, Jupiter LJ icon songset.

What BtVS 'Fan Group' Do You Belong To?
brought to you by Quizilla

BTW. everyone should read today's Non-Sequitur.

2003-04-04T20:53:00.000+10:00

Things I Should Have Learnt But Haven't:
When planning an "early" night, do not go to one of your favourite fanfic archives at 11pm. Just don't.

My grandparents are here for H's birthday tomorrow... should be interesting. Not really in the mood to deal with them at the moment, but that's because I'm tired and just grumpy. Love them dearly, but they are a lot to deal with at times.

I've been pretty teary the last couple of days, but tired, grumpy, hormonal, a few bad days, and the fact that I burst into tears whenever I see the face of Private Lynch.

I want a Best of Elton John.

I've actually been contemplating the fate of "rock legends" of late. I remember the last time Sir Elton was out here, people complained that he was playing too much from his new album (which was the reason he was on tour) and not enough of his classics. Bob Dylan had the same problem earlier this year, and I'm sure Paul McCartney could write the Definitive Works on the subject.

But these are all creative men who continue to release albums.

I know that if I went to see Bob, I'd want to hear his stuff from the 60s. If I went to see Sir Paul, I'd be after his Beatles catalogue (which was and always should be under the credit of Lennon/McCartney, full stop end of story).

Even people without the huge back catalogue... okay, so Tori still has a fairly extensive catalogue but nowhere near the 30+ years those guys do. Yet I Know I would be missing certain songs that she just wouldn't be able to fit into the show. I watch Sarah McLachlan on my Mirrorball DVD (the only way I'll ever get to see her <pout>) and I want songs she didn't play, and even seeing Savage Garden with all of two albums there were songs they didn't play from album number one I wanted to hear.

So where's the compromise between the "classics" and the new stuff they're actually promoting? Should these people have two concerts, one for the newer stuff and one for the classics?

Pity the superstar, pity those with the rabid fanbase, pity the cult figures. Pity the artists who are accused of "selling out" to the mainstream, for daring to become popular. Pity the people who are always accused of betraying the fans and still being creative.

2003-04-02T21:36:00.000+10:00

Okay, for anyone who didn't know:

Three sleeps til Smallville season 2!!

Ahem. I'm actually rather sick and stuffed up with a head-cold at the moment, and I kinda forgot (due to tension in the house, which is another long story) to take my meds last night, so today was an interesting day. Although I got copious amounts of Lionel/Chloe written for that challenge by Molly and Miss Windy... I think I may just have to read through it again when my head's on straight. Although that may make it a lot more dull.

I have no idea what I'm typing as I type. God, I love being sick.

I'm in the middle of scanning around 15 pages of Empire magazine's X2: Evolution special... I had to create a new Geocities account to house it. Lots of Hugh... so I have to share. Will add a link when I'm finished.

On a bit of a scanning-run at the moment. Found a pic of Adrien snogging Halle at the Academy Awards, so that's a new LJ icon for me, and I've got some of Orlando as Joe Byrne in Ned Kelly which I'm making into LJ icons, too... LJ icons are way too addictive. There's nothing else that needs to be said there.

Found a new book by Camilla Gibb, who wrote Mouthing The Words at Collins today, so I put that on lay-by. Along with a copy of Stupid White Men, because I still can't believe I haven't read that yet. I noticed that Sanity had Ani's Living in Clip just in stock today, so I'll have to go in and get that next week, although Leading Edge has a copy of her Little Plastic Castles coming in some time then for me, too... at least I've already paid for the latter. I really shouldn't be somewhere around bookstores and CD shops every day, because I just can't budget where they are concerned.

which scooby are you?

Anyone who says I rigged the quiz will get a stern talking-to <glare>

As I didn't update yesterday, I'll just do the one opinion-article link today... and I'll say now that a). it isn't an anti-war one, and b). my ears are still burning.

Gerard Henderson, Rich voices of dissent, The Age

Alienated types tend to be relatively well-off and well-educated men and women who enjoy the freedoms and riches provided by Western societies and use their status to dump on politicians and, by implication, those who elected them.

Moore's entertaining Bowling for Columbine makes some telling, if unoriginal, criticisms of the gun culture prevalent in parts of the United States. However, above all, this is an exercise in alienation and, at times, self-hatred. According to the documentary, the US is responsible for most - if not all - of the world's problems. Moreover, Bowling for Columbine kicks down at most of Moore's fellow citizens who appear on the film - many of whom are of modest means and scant education. What (alienated) fun. Only to be enjoyed by those who can afford to pay cash at the cinema door.

Still buying his book, though.

2003-03-31T23:10:00.000+10:00

I know, I just posted a way-long entry and this will be my third for the day... but I have to share.

Copper told me I had to read something that Kita linked to in her LiveJournal, and I have to tell everyone here to read it, too.

It's a post by The Brat Queen on mental illness, depression in particular, and she hits it spot on.

You can read it here. And please do.

2003-03-31T22:04:00.000+10:00

I've been listening to the Indigo Girls of late, and now I'm craving Willow/Tara. I think I'm all set for a selected-scenes viewing of season 4,then Family, selected scenes of The Body and the final act of The Gift. Tissues, here I come ;)

I've either finished or almost finished 61 shippy icons with the words "There is no substitute for quality" on them... and only two of them are B/A. Gulp. And I've got some pics still on my harddrive to do... Angelus/Willow, Giles/Jenny etc... and I still have to get some that I want of Willow/Oz, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tara in Seeing Red, Xander/Willow in Lover's Walk... and I can't find a screen-cap of the moment in Innocence where Angelus kisses Spike's head anywhere. I can find the moment after, and I can find the moment before, but I want the moment of connection, dammit!! Anyone able to help?

Michael Moore's article on his reasons behind that speech was printed in The Age today. I suggest anyone wanting to avoid my Michael Moore Love go to my livejournal, because I'll be using cuts there.

I fully support what Michael said in his acceptance speech. I would have been disappointed with anything less; this is the author of "Stupid White Men" and... well... watch his documentary. He would have been hypocritical if he'd not said anything. It would have been invasion of the body-snatchers.

If you missed the speech, this is what he said (curtesy of Oscars.com):

Whoa. On behalf of our producers Kathleen Glynn and Michael Donovan from Canada, I'd like to thank the Academy for this. I have invited my fellow documentary nominees on the stage with us, and we would like to - they're here in solidarity with me because we like nonfiction. We like nonfiction and we live in fictitious times. We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. Whether it's the fictition of duct tape or fictition of orange alerts we are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you. And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up. Thank you very much.

This is what he had to say (like I said, I read it in The Age, but it's also available at his website):

Why I made that speech

Something had to be said at the Oscars about the war. Michael Moore explains why he was the one to say it.

A word of advice to future Oscar winners: don't begin Oscar day by going to church. That is where I found myself last Sunday morning, at the Church of the Good Shepherd on Santa Monica Boulevard, at Mass with my sister and my dad. My problem with the Catholic Mass is that sometimes I find my mind wandering after I hear something the priest says, and I start thinking all these crazy thoughts like how it is wrong to kill people and that you are not allowed to use violence upon another human being unless it is in true self-defence.

The Pope even came right out and said it: this war in Iraq is not a just war and, thus, it is a sin.

Those thoughts were with me the rest of the day. I had not planned on winning an Academy Award for Bowling for Columbine (no documentary that was a big box-office success had won since Woodstock), and so I had no speech prepared. Besides, I had already received awards in the days leading up to the Oscars and used the same acceptance remarks. I spoke of the need for non-fiction films when we live in such fictitious times. We have a fictitious US President who was elected with fictitious election results. He is now conducting a war for a fictitious reason (the claim that Saddam Hussein has stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction when in fact we are there to get the world's second-largest supply of oil).

We are continually bombarded with one fictitious story after another from the Bush White House. And that is why it is important that filmmakers make non-fiction, so that all the little lies can be exposed and the public informed. An uninformed public in a democracy is a sure-fire way to end up with little or no democracy at all.

That is what I have been saying for some time. Millions of Americans seem to agree. My book Stupid White Men still sits at No. 1 on the US bestseller list. Bowling for Columbine has broken all box-office records for a documentary. My website is now getting up to 20 million hits a day (more than the White House's site).

My opinions about the state of the United States are neither unknown nor on the fringe, but rather they exist with mainstream majority opinion. The majority of Americans, according to polls, did not want to go into this war without the backing of the United Nations and all of America's allies.

That is where the US is at. It's liberal, it's for peace and it is only tacitly in support of its leader because that is what you are supposed to do when you are at war and you want your kids to come back from Iraq alive.

In the commercial break before the best documentary Oscar was to be announced, I suddenly thought that maybe this community of film people was also part of that American majority and just might have voted for my film. I leaned over to my fellow nominees and told them that, should I win, I was going to say something about President Bush and the war and would they like to join me up on the stage? They all agreed.

Moments later, Diane Lane opened the envelope and announced the winner: Bowling for Columbine. The entire main floor rose to its feet for a standing ovation. I was immeasurably moved and humbled as I motioned for the other nominees to join my wife (the film's producer) and me up on the stage.

I then said what I had been saying all week at those other awards ceremonies. I guess a few other people had heard me say those things too because before I had finished my first sentence about the fictitious president, a couple of men (some reported it was "stagehands" just to the left of me) near a microphone started some loud yelling. Then a group in the upper balcony joined in. What was so confusing to me, as I continued my remarks, was that I could hear this noise but, looking out on the main floor, I didn't see a single person booing.

But then the majority in the balcony - who were in support of my remarks - started booing the booers. It all turned into one humungous cacophony of yells and cheers and jeers. And all I'm thinking is, "Hey, I put on a tux for this?"

I tried to get out my last line ("Any time you've got both the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, you're not long for the White House") and the orchestra struck up its tune to end the melee. (A few orchestra members came up to me later and apologised, saying they had wanted to hear what I had to say.) I had gone 55 seconds, 10 more than allowed.

Was it appropriate? To me, the inappropriate thing would have been to say nothing at all or to thank my agent, my lawyer and the designer who dressed me. I made a movie about the American desire to use violence both at home and around the world. My remarks were in keeping with exactly what my film was about. If I had a movie about birds or insects, I would have talked about birds or insects. I made a movie about guns and Americans' tradition of using them against the world and each other.

And, as I walked up to the stage, I was still thinking about the lessons that morning at Mass. About how silence, when you observe wrongs being committed, is the same as committing those wrongs yourself. And so I followed my conscience and my heart.

On the way back home, the day after the Oscars, two flight attendants told me how they had been stuck overnight in my home state -- and wound up earning only $30 for the day because they are paid by the hour.

They said they were telling me this in the hope that I would tell others. Because they, and the millions like them, have no voice. They don't get to be commentators on cable news like the bevy of retired generals we've been watching all week. (Can we please demand that the US military remove its troops from ABC/CBS/NBC/CNN/MSNBC/Fox?) They don't get to make movies or talk to a billion people on Oscar night. They are the American majority who are being asked to send their sons and daughters over to Iraq to possibly die so Bush's buddies can have the oil.

Who will speak for them if I don't? That's what I do, or try to do, every day of my life, and March 23, 2003 - though it was one of the greatest days of my life and an honour I will long cherish - was no different.

Except I made the mistake of beginning it in a church.

Michael Moore won an Academy Award for Bowling for Columbine. This article first appeared in the Los Angeles Times.

And I gotta say, I agree with every word he says. But then, I wanna bear his children, so I may be slightly biased.

The best of the other opinion articles today was the one by Matthew Ricketson, Turn down the volume, turn up the quality in The Age.

I don't know about you but in the week-and-a-half of war in Iraq, what I wanted was a glass of water to slake my thirst. Instead, I'm plastered against the wall, soaking wet - and still thirsty. Not for information; I'm drowning in that courtesy of hours spent watching 24-hour news channels where it is hard to see where one bulletin ends and another begins.

No, at the risk of pushing the metaphor, the water is muddy with propaganda, special pleading and vested interests. I need it filtered.

I think that he has it right... I'm so wary at the moment... what is it that Ani says? "The media is not fooling me". Everything, from both sides, in this war is tainted with propaganda. We cannot escape that. Everything is filled with spin, and every "on-the-spot" report is changed within the hour. We're being inundated with information, but everything we're drowning in is so spin-filled and muddied with propaganda we can't swim to save ourselves.

2003-03-31T12:37:00.000+10:00

I once worked as a receptionist for five months.

I was the World's Worst Receptionist, I'll openly admit that. But it was at a time when I was getting sick -- very sick -- and sending emails to my parents about how good the rail tracks I had to cross each day to get to work looked.

For some reason, this prompted Mum and Dad to get me a doctor's appointment (wonder why) where I was officially diagnosed with depression for the first time.

About a week after this, the proverbial shit hit the fan at work. I had what I can only term a massive breakdown at my desk. I was in tears over anything and I was on the phone to LifeLine and doing my best to just not crawl under the desk in a little ball.

Mum drove the normally 4-hour trip to Melbourne in about 2 hours, and I left my job. After my boss told me "we all have blue days" and that it was "all in my head", wanting me to work my notice.

Umm, hello, I was all but whimpering under the desk, which is a great company image. Have you ever tried answering the phone in a bright, cheerful voice when you can hardly breathe for sobs? It's an interesting experience.

I've told these people at my training program that there is no way they are placing me in a reception position. I couldn't go there again, and besides which, World's Worst Receptionist, remember?

But at the moment we're all busy doing reception protocol etc etc etc, and going through all the procedures is bringing back vivid memories and stress. I can't wait until we finish, because it's killing me having to remember what it was like again. I know that I don't cope with stress at all well; hence, they want to place me into Data Entry (or library work, because duh). It's just... the memory of how much I hated that job and how ill I felt and just how bad I was at that stage... it's hard.

I'll survive it... I'll just be praying for the end of the day to come asap.

2003-03-30T17:06:00.000+10:00

Daylight savings ended here last night, so all the clocks in the house have gone back an hour.

Or at least they have in theory. My VCR clock is still an hour out (the one in my bedroom), and it keeps throwing me out. I need to change it, but I can't be buggered. Why can't they make VCRs like computers, which update automatically?

The paper today showed little pictures of all the "Coalition of the Willing" troops Killed In Action. Or most of them, anyway. They had the little pictures (and it's strange how you can pick the British troops from the American troops just with a tiny little photo in the newspaper), age, how they were killed, and a short (ten words or less) biography of the soldier in question.

It's funny -- and I don't mean funny ha-ha, but funny-strange -- how they remain numbers, until you hear stories. It was the same with September 11, with Port Arthur, with anything. It doesn't get to you until you see that these numbers are people with lives and faces and people who mourn them.

And the Seven on Sunday.

Seven things you fear or are just creeped out by:

1. Snakes. Always.
2. Spiders. Always. (I live in Australia... most of the above two are poisonous)
3. Never getting better
4. Driving. Anywhere. At any time.
5. Heights.
6. Crowds.
7. Meeting new people.

2003-03-29T20:24:00.000+10:00

Because with all this 24/7 war coverage, I know I need something to laugh with... so I present a new favourite link.

The Gulf War Drinking Game.

2003-03-29T19:19:00.000+10:00

Heee!! The MaggieFic Mary Sue Generator

"Have you ever longed to insert yourself into your favorite show? With MaggieFic's Handy-Dandy Mary Sue Generator, you can! Just click the buttons to create a Mary Sue that anyone would be proud of. You'll be shagging the main character of your choice, saving the world, dying nobly to save another, or bringing together your favorite pair of star-crossed lovers in no time."

Mary Sue name: Bonita Haviland
Mary Sue eye colour: Passionate Winter Sky
Mary Sue hair colour: Burnished Bronze
Mary Sue signiture scent: Dreams of Lavender
Mary Sue paranormal power: Controls the Weather
Mary Sue specialised skill: Scientific Genius
Mary Sue distinguishing mark: Pointed Ears
Newly revealed raltionship to a major character: Angel's Martial Arts Instructor

2003-03-29T19:03:00.000+10:00

This afternoon, my father was walking around the house in a knee-length blue velvet dress, complete with bra and fake breasts.

Yes, there is a story behind why. And no, I'm not going to tell you. I'm stuck with the visuals, and now I hope you are too.

I'm scarred for life here.

2003-03-28T22:42:00.000+10:00

I bought a new book today.

Saving Francesca, by Melina Marchetta. Anyone who's done year 12 in Australia during the past 7 years will know the name of the author of Looking for Alibrandi.

I read it this evening.

I knew I had better things to do... but I couldn't help it. I love it. Seriously. I loved studying Alibrandi, but I think that I enjoy Francesca even more.

Alibrandi was written in 1993, when I was eleven or twelve. I'm 21 now, but the pop-culture in this is something I can relate to more so than in the first. Yes, this is a book written for teenagers... but it talks about Colin Firth's wet-shirt scene in Pride & Prejudice, about having an "Alanis night" and listening to Jeff Buckley and Tori Amos and the Whitlams. It has characters debating the refugees and homelessness and terrorism. It mentions David Eddings and Obernewtyn. Francesca loves Les Mis and plays Lady Macbeth.

And it has four Buffy references. I would like to add that I didn't copy the following passage in here, and I have no knowledge of any copyright laws this might be breaking.

From pages 195-196. For plot references, they're on school camp:

Later, we lie on our bunks, talking in the dark. About anything. We go around the room, nominating teachers we love; teachers we hate; Year Eleven Boys we'd date; Year Eleven Boys we hate. Guys or girls we suspect are gay. We have a massive debate about which 'Buffy' season was the best, and an Angel versus Riley versus Spike dispute and we end up nominating our most romantic moments in a film.

Of course, they ruin some of the impression by just referring to "Buttercup and the servant boy" in that discussion (his name is Westley!!!) but... how can you hate (or even mildly dislike) a book where the characters debate Buffy seasons and Angel, Riley and Spike?! I just wish they'd tell us who won ;) I'd like to say that I know Francesca has to have enough taste to be the Angel fan, and how scary is it when you can pick the character in the book who would have been advocating Spike?!?!

Or maybe I'm just taking it waaaayy to seriously.

The best of today's opinions pieces:

Unfortunately, I can't find a link for it, but if anyone can find the article by Sarah Wilson, We won't swallow pretzel logic, from The Herald Sun, it's well worth a read. She was doing the anti-war marches, but is now searching for some reason to support us in this war... and struggling.

Gwynne Dyer, Is Saddam the new Stalin?, The Age

Stalin's secret police had murdered millions, and all the non-Russian citizens of the multinational Soviet empire hated Russian rule. So masses of Soviet troops would defect at the first opportunity, and the non-Russian half of the population would greet the Germans as liberators. Sound familiar?

In one I found quite interesting, kind-of on the war and kind-of on Australian politics, Louise Dodson, Labor seeks to regain its youth, The Age.

Martin Ferguson, another left-wing frontbencher from Victoria, predicts that debate about Australia's foreign policy and how independent it is from the United States will be a key issue in the nation and Labor Party over the next 12 to 18 months. Indeed, he says it may become the galvanising issue that Vietnam was in the 1960s and '70s and uranium mining was in the '80s.

And finally, I know I said "today", but eh. I forgot to find this one for everyone who may or may not be interested yesterday. Danny Katz's This Life column, Creeping into the theatre of war while maintaining radio reliance, The Age.

We hear expressions such as "the day of liberation" and "the ultimate sacrifice" and "the Coalition Of The Willing", which sounds like it came out of Lord of the Rings, except instead of three furry hobbits named Frodo and Merry and Pippin going off to save Middle-earth, we've got three furry-eyebrowed half-wits named Busho and Blair-y and Howard going off the save the Middle East."

2003-03-27T21:17:00.000+10:00

If there's one thing that I've come to depend on in life, it's that taste and gay men go hand in hand.

Then I learn that DNA voted Steve Bracks in at #34 in their "Sexiest Man Alive" issue.

...

Still speechless.

Sure, they also included Viggo and Hugh Jackman on the list, but Steve Bracks. #34. Credibility and a perfectly good stereotype have both jumped the shark.

2003-03-26T22:04:00.000+10:00

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! My new favourite quote?

"As for (Alfonso Cuarón)'s political opinions - I agree he shouldn't have compared Saddam and Bush to Voldemort.

"There was absolutely no need to insult Voldemort like that." -- Spykester

2003-03-26T20:39:00.000+10:00

Australians all let us rejoice
for we are young and free
To slaughter young Iraqi boys
Across the deep dark seas
As they defend their childeren,
Their culture rich and rare
In joyful strains then let us sing
Advance Australia Fair
-- Michael Leunig

I don't agree with everything he says, but an interesting POV from George Monbiot on international law and the Geneva Convention is here... I read it in today's Age.

2003-03-25T21:55:00.000+10:00

Well, I just finished the imaging for an Ani DiFranco blog layout... now I just need to get the rest of the coding done and we have Ani!! Wheeee!!

I resisted the temptation to use her bloody wonderful Self Evident, although the lyrics I did use were from Serpentine from her new album Evolve (it was released March 11)...

all the wrong people have the power
of suggestion
and the freedom of the press is meaningless
if nobody asks a question

God, I love that woman, with her democrins and republicrats and... gah. Love her. Adore her. Will worship Cat forever for introducing her to me.

But then, I'm currently working on both a Norah Jones and an Alison Mack layout... so I think I'm just into layouts at the moment. They're calling out to me...

In between working on Arnotts icons, that is.

Speaking of icons, I'm kind of making Academy Awards icons with quotes of the speeches... Oscars.com has the acceptance speeches up, so I'm grabbing the picture next to it and throwing some of my favourite quotes on it. Like Adrien Brody's "I bet they didn't tell you that was in the gift bag" after kissing Halle Berry... and his "there comes a time in life when everything seems to make sense and this is not one of those times." Michael Moore I didn't grab the part everyone is expecting me to, but "any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up". Nicole I had to get some of (Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!), and the "my whole life I've wanted to make my mother proud. And now I want to make my daughter proud" was so sweet and had me in tears, so...

Will get some of the other award winners in a minute or two and make them up soon.

I've been listening to Norah again... I finally figured out one of the reasons I loved her as soon as I heard her. Not just her amazing talent, although that is there, but because in both style and voice she tends to sound an awful lot like Eva Cassidy. I'm glad that Norah didn't just find fame posthumously... note to all future artists: if you want recognition, do try and be alive for it.

I've actually been feeling a little hypocritical over the past 48 hours. It's not a feeling I like.

Every time I see the American POWs paraded on Iraqi TV, I get hot under the collar. My temper flares something chronic. Not just as Al-whatever, but at UK TV, USA TV, French TV, Australian TV, at everyone who are showing these poor men and woman, utterly terrified and bewildered with microphones being shoved in their faces. I rage at people for showing it, I rage at people for filming it, I rage at Bush, Blair, Howard et al for sending them over there in the first place.

I don't feel hypocritical for feeling angry; I said from the start that I support the soldiers, just not the war. What I feel hypocritical about is that we were seeing (almost) identical footage of surrendering Iraqis and of Iraqi POWs, and I didn't think anything of it.

The only differences I can really see is that a). we didn't interview them, and b). we treat our POWs better (I hope).

We also don't show footage of the dead, although I do think that showing the sneaker I assume belonged to dead Australian camera man Paul Moran, ragged where it was blown off his foot as he died (possibly still containing part of said foot), is in incredibly poor taste.

But still I feel like a hypocrite. If the families of the Iraqi POWs saw their husband/brother/father/son (or wife/sister/mother/daughter) on the TV, even if they weren't interviewed, would they feel any less upset than we do now?

2003-03-24T21:55:00.000+10:00

What kind of a B/A Shipper are you?
Oh boy. You've hit the B/A rock bottom. All hope is lost for B/A according to you. You believe that B/A are never going to get together, it's creators made sure of that :(

2003-03-24T21:09:00.000+10:00

I love the Oscars.

"If Freda were alive today, she'd be on our side. Against war." I cheered so hard that someone got past the Academy's ban on presenters saying anything.

Nic!! Wheeeeeeee!!!!! But how much do you wanna bet now that she mentioned Russell on-stage, there will be this big thing on Entertainment Tonight and Woman's Day about how his wedding is in doubt <sigh>

Adrien Brody for Best Actor (so happy with him winning there!!)... I cried, although I am confused with Roman Polanski, much as he deserved it... conservative academy giving a sex offender and Michael Moore both awards in the one year?! Hell hath frozen over!! (I do not condone Polanski's actions, but he's a damn good director).

As for Chicago... it leaves me wishing Baz released Moulin Rouge a year later.

Words cannot describe how much I love, adore and want to carry Michael Moore's children. He's squicky, but I'd fuck him in an instant after that speech. Yes, he makes me look right-wing, but fuck. Fuck. I'd bear his fucking children.

Sudden urge to listen to Ani. Self Evident. Fuck. It's at times like this I wish I smoked.

Had to laugh, though... the standing ovation he got from everyone in the room, and then the look on their faces when he started the speech. People, he won the award, I'm assuming you've seen the documentary. Did you really expect anything less??

I loved all of the Best Actress nominees and wished they could all take one home, but despite Catherine Zeta-Jones' diva rep, she's sweet in public <g> Besides which, was anyone almost willing her water to break on stage, or was that just me?

I'm an intellectual type. I make no bones about that. I'm a bleeding-heart, tree-hugging leftie (see my anti-war side-bar at the Blog, which I'm currently doing a new layout for. A rather political one. Also some new anti-war LJ icons there at the moment). But last night I wound up watching Where The Heart Is. I have cavities from it, but it was so... nice. I could ignore the war, I could sit there for two and a half hours and watch a classic chick-flick that was pure, fluffy escapism. I don't mind Natalie Portman as an actress, although I'd have preferred to watch The Piano at 11pm... unfortunately, when you get up at 6.30am, a film that starts at 11pm? Not of the best way to start Monday Morning.

I'll also add that I'm composing that ode I said I'd write if Iraq was found to still have chemical weapons... I'm just waiting for confirmation before I post it. I'll say more with it then... but if this war was "justifiable" (even then I struggle with the idea of it, Saddam with weapons of mass destruction or not, given last Thursday as the war with Iraq broke out North Korea was declaring themselves on the verge of NUCLEAR war with South Korea and the USA... and which is the bigger threat to the world again?) it will not be the short conflict we've been promised. Mark Knight in today's paper just had Howard on the frontline in utter bewilderment... "The Iraqi's are fighting back? But they're meant to be welcoming us with open arms... there's obviously been a misunderstanding..."

If Saddam is half as dangerous as Bush would have us believe, then this war will not be over in a matter of weeks. And certainly not in the "even 48 hours" John Howard said yesterday morning.

2003-03-24T11:45:00.000+10:00

I'd like to take a moment to remember.

I'd like to remember the British and American troops killed in action, in a war that should never have started.

I'd like to think of the American POWs, and pray that my first reaction (Iraq is ignoring the Geneva Conventions) was horribly wrong.

I'd like to hope that Allied soldiers do not retaliate against Iraqi POWs.

I'd like to think of the missing ITN news crew.

I'd like to think of the six people (including an Australian camera man) killed in a suicide car-bombing, and the other people injured in the attack.

I'd like to think of the American unit attacked from the inside.

I'd like to think of all the innocent Iraqi civilians injured or killed in the continuing missile attacks.

I'd like to wish I could feel surprise at these developments.

2003-03-22T20:06:00.000+10:00

Worst wording in a fanfic. Ever.

"She was wearing a medieval looking blue georgette dress with wide flowing trumpet sleeves and a low cut bodice that ended right above her knees in a full skirt."

2003-03-22T16:35:00.000+10:00

It's been a couple of days since I last updated. I'm having to concentrate on my typing and I'm going at a third of my normal speed at the mooment.

Why?

I'm learning to type at this course I'm doing.

I kid thee not. They're teaching us to type. Admittedly, I don't normally touch-type. So I'm taking the opportunity to try and learn that over the six weeks of the course. I'm still four times as fast as the rest of the kids in the class, but it's a little frustrating. Especially when they're teaching you how to use Word Art and create a table in Word.

Of course, it did wonderful things for my ego when the instructor said that she thinks I should be at 130 or so wpm by the end of the course <g>

Fascinating article by Marian Wilkinson from a few days ago in The Age here (okay, it's from the Sydney Morning Herald website, but they're the same as The Age in Melbourne in any case, and Google hit this link first).

Mr Bush has gambled his presidency on the outcome of this pre-emptive war.

But Mr Bush and his most senior advisers are calmly confident. Mr Cheney predicted on Sunday that the US, "will be greeted as liberators" in Iraq. But if Saddam's regime can be destroyed in a matter of weeks, asked many on the Security Council, how can he be such a deadly threat?

To justify this pre-emptive war, the US military will not only need to show cheering Iraqis in the streets of Baghdad but serious stocks of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq's vaults. That, they hope, will vindicate the Bush doctrine.

2003-03-19T20:15:00.000+10:00

My country is following America into Iraq.

You know those drivers in a convoy who just blindly follow the tail-lights of the car in front, so that if the first car drives off a cliff they all follow?

We're the people blindly following Dubya.

I've been open about my non-support of any war against Iraq. I continue in that viewpoint; nothing has been said to change my opinion. Yes, if it had been someone other than Bush, senior who was in charge last time around... maybe then I'd be more open. But it was his Daddy then, and I am of the opinion I am.

However.

I want to make two things perfectly clear here.

I do not support Saddam in any way, shape or form. I believe he is a despot, a dictator, greedy for power, killing anyone who opposes him. I believe him guilty of heinous crimes against humanity. I believe he should be removed from power.

But I don't think this war is the answer. Nor do I trust Dubya's reasons for it.

There is more than one despot in this world at the moment. Robert Mugabe comes to mind. Yes, Saddam has been in power longer than the Zimbabwe President; however, I notice there's a severe lack of rhetoric happening about what Mugabe is doing to the people of Zimbabwe from many leaders. I also notice that he's not sitting on oil.

Get rid of Saddam by all means. Just don't say you're worried for the people of Iraq as you drop bombs on their heads. I know that if I was under the thumb of a ruthless dictator who will do anything to stay in power, I wouldn't look kindly upon the people who were dropping bombs on me, on my family, in order to get rid of him... especially when, due to their sanctions, I don't have adequate medical facilities to save the injured.

The second point I want to make is that I fully support the men and women being sent into battle (of course, if the draft is reintroduced -- despite two referendums during the Vietnam War stopping it then -- I'll flee the country).

I may not agree with much Johnny has ever said; however, I will agree with this statement:

"Have your beef with me, do not have your beef with the men and women of the Australian Defence Force. They are brave, courageous Australians who will need our support."

Unfortunately, the anti-war people are already planning protests outside he Victoria Barracks, symbolic home of our soldiers. Obviously, we have learnt nothing from the Vietnam War.

If anyone is going to call the soldiers we are sending into battle "terrorists" (and that has been said at anti-war rallies already) they will have to go through me. I have, and will continue to, call war government-sponsored terrorism, but the terrorists in these cases are the people who send the troops into battle. Yes, terrorism strikes individually and by surprise... but war is terror. Is it any better when you know bombs are going to drop on your house, on your street, on your city, as when they take you by surprise? I know that Saddam doesn't play fair in war; I know he will put civilians in the line of fire. And I know that the people who are so concerned for the well being of those people will bomb them all the same.

I will not tolerate war crimes from either side (and make no mistake, both sides will commit them), but it should also be the people who gave the order for those war crimes to be executed who are prosecuted for them. And this is where I bite my tongue on my bitterness and anger that American citizens have been granted immunity from the International Criminals Court. That they are protecting American interests is no excuse; any war criminal would say that they are protecting the best interests of their country. Adolf Hitler, Hermann Göring and Rudolf Hess would have said the exact same thing. I'd also like to say this is not me being anti-American; I'll say the same thing for any country on the face of the planet. International Law is already being violated in starting this war; don't completely shred it to pieces.

There are no winners in war. Unless you count the stock exchange.

Plus... The Peace MeMe

2003-03-18T21:11:00.000+10:00

Waaaaahhhh!!! At Buffyverse:

Well, it looks like all good things have got to come to an end...

Today we received a call from a person who works for Fox Germany and who told us that Fox USA wants all copyrighted material removed from the site immediately or they will sue us for copyright infringement. They never clearly stated what exactly they wanted to be removed (even though we asked them multiple times) so we had to remove all the images, videos, skins etc. to be on the safe side - in other words: we had to remove 95% of our content which equals shutting down the site.

Until Fox explicitely tells us what has or has not to be removed we can't decide if we're going to re-open the site.

We would like to thank all our visitors for your continued support and hope you keep watching Joss Whedon's great shows!

Chris, liv & the Buffyverse-Team

2003-03-18T19:25:00.000+10:00

Firstly, thankyou to everyone who gave such kind words yesterday. I won't be so maudlin next year... I think it was a lot because of the anniversary, that it was a decade.

Anyway.

New project!!

I've decided to make an icon series with a difference.

I'm making an Arnotts icon series, although this time they'll have nothing to do with Tim Tams.

For those who are unaware, Arnotts is an Australian (well, it was taken over by an American company but it's still quintessentially Australian) company who make Tim Tams etc etc. Their slogan is "there is no substitute for quality", which I said at one point was perfect for Buffy/Angel, causing Faithgirl (lovely, adorable person that she is) to make a B/A wallpaper with the words (see my current desktop at the blog).

Side-note: never figured out why the company that took over Arnotts didn't start releasing Tim Tams at the very least in the USA. Given that I'm yet to find an American who can resist them (and that goes double for Canadians), you'd think they'd want to break into that market.

Anyway, I was making a B/A (fixing? playing around with?) The Prom icon last night after finishing the ones Leelee has requested, and I decided to put those words on it. "There is no substitute for quality". If you're reading this at LJ, look at the icon for this entry. Then I decided... well... it kind of goes for a lot of 'ships, not just B/A, and not just in the Buffyverse (yes, Jen, that's an indication that Farscape and Tim Tams may have something in common soon).

So I'm going to embark on an icon crusade. I just have to gather the pictures. I've decided not just to use conventional ships, but a mixture of Con and UC. I'm collecting Spike/Dru pics, Willow/Oz, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya, Angel/Spike, Wesley/Giles, Wesley/Faith, Angel/Faith, Buffy/Faith, Buffy/Willow, Wes/Gun, Xander/Willow, Wes/Lilah, Aeryn/John, Clark/Chloe, Riker/Troi, Mulder/Scully, Alyson/Alexis (they're just too cute!), Xander/Cordelia, Cordelia/Wesley, Wes/Fred, Willow/Spike, Cordelia/Gunn, Logan/Rogue, Wes/Angel, Syd/Vaughn... anyone know where I could find a decent Harry/Hermione or Harry/Draco pic that isn't a manip? Or should I be trying to learn how to do that?

And the list goes on. Anyone got any 'ship to add to the list whilst I'm at it? I'm avoiding the ones I find really squicky ::cough::Buffy/Giles::cough:: and all signs of incest in any form (and there's no way on God's green earth I'll be doing anything remotely 'shippy in a romantic sense for Buffy/Dawn because that's just wrong), but I'm seriously considering adding a Spuffy Something Blue-era one. I know, I'm thinking I've taken leave of my senses, too. But it was fun and so far out of character then that I didn't have to worry about it ever coming true and I kinda liked it...

Think I want something to distract myself with or similar?

I had my first day at this training-thing today... it was bloody boring. It's all so... basic. It's beyond basic. It leaves basic back in kindergarten. I hope it actually gets challenging and not just common-sense soonish, because I was bored out my skull and feeling stupid for even being there. HOWEVER, if all goes according to plan, I should be employed within four weeks, so that should be cause for some yay-factor.

I hope I hope I hope I hope. Because if I don't get employed, it's all been a waste of time and I'll have spent over $200 travelling into town each day at 7.20am, getting home after 6pm and not have anything to show for it. Not to mention incredibly severe withdrawals from chat-times.

Of course, if I get employed I may actually be able to afford things like paid-LJ (more icons!!!!!!!!!!), not to mention hosting & domain for the blog.

Anyway. Off to download pictures... Coming tomorrow, my response to Daubya's 48-hour ultimatum, and what was said in Australian Parliament today. And I promise not to be inflammatory, and to be measured and calm (or at least as much as that is possible with me).

<ot> the "No War" slogan painted on top of the Sydney Opera House was a disgrace and the security breach should be investigated... but at the same time, damn, I like it! </ot>

2003-03-17T14:25:00.000+10:00

Well, it's St Patricks Day here in Australia at the moment. I was meant to start my training/course-thing today, then I got a phone call last week saying it was being postponed by 24 hours, so... I'm sitting at home. Mum's watching Pride and Prejudice and H has a student-free day at school. Dad's actually managing not to work on his day off for once.

I've been in a state of almost constant remembrance for the last few months, mostly since I realised -- suddenly and shatteringly -- that today was the tenth anniversary of my grandmother's death. I promised myself that I wasn't going to go all maudlin in this; I swore that I wasn't going to spend months remembering my grandmother's death. But today, I'm going to. I've been reliving it, and I just want to get it out of my system. My doctor, when I talked about this, said (given the anniversary) it was healthy to dwell on it for a while, however, in the interest of self-preservation it would probably be wise to try not to after the date.

Anniversaries are always hard. There was the incredibly painful first Christmas, the first mother's day, the first birthday for each and every one of us without her... every Sunday for a year was a painful reminder of the person missing in our life.

Ten years on, I guess the pain is limited to the big ones. We feel the pain each Christmas, to be sure. I think Mother's Day is mostly painful for my mother, memories have blurred over time for me and my brothers. And I can never celebrate St Patrick's Day.

I'll admit that usually it isn't on my mind as much as it has been this year. I think the pain has been worse, because I'm so aware of the anniversary. Ten years since my grandmother died. It's not something I can take on lightly.

It wasn't something any of us were prepared for. Even in other situations you might be able to say, "yes, we were expecting it". You may have known it was coming, known in the back of your mind... but you're never prepared, or waiting for it.

My grandmother was 56 when she died of an asthma attack.

As I was growing up, we'd spend every Sunday evening at my maternal grandparents. Nana and Pa's house, with my unmarried uncle (who still lived at home in his mid-20s) and his girlfriend, and my aunt, uncle and their four children. We'd have the roast dinner and the dessert, and generally enjoy spending time as an extended family.

Sunday, the 14th of March was no different. Although I do remember heading into the dining room shortly after dessert and asking where Nana and Pa were; Nana had been in the corner of the lounge room earlier that evening "on the pump", the electronic machine buzzing and wisps of ventolin escaping the mask she had over her face.

I was told that Pa had taken Nana to the hospital; I was eleven and a half and this was down-played by the adults. It wasn't something unusual; my grandmother suffered from severe asthma. We could never run inside the house or such things as this would stir up any dust in the carpet and effect my grandmother's asthma. She made the bestest cheese cake in the whole wide world, which she could never eat as it was too rich for her asthma.

It was a part of life, seeing Nana on the pump in the corner of the room or watching her take her ventolin.

The following morning the phone rang as Mum was in the shower before we all went to school. It was Nana, asking me to tell Mum that she was home and okay. Nana always hated staying overnight in the hospital, and would go to any length to avoid it. I told Nana that Mum was in the shower, and I'd tell her she rang. I talked a little on the phone to her, she rang off with a "bye, honey".

It was the last time I'd ever speak to her.

I went to school as normal; I was in grade 6 at the time, which is the last year of primary school (elementary school) here in Australia. The first clue I had that something was wrong was when I was told by the school office that a family friend would be picking us up after school.

I don't... that evening is a bit of a blur now. I think it was at the time. All we knew, all we were told, was that Nana was in "a coma", whatever that was (and I thought for years afterwards it was one word, acoma), that Mum and Dad were at the hospital, that our paternal grandparents (Nana and Granddad) were coming to stay the night with us.

That was Monday the 15th.

Tuesday was taken up with what I can see in hindsight was my grandmother trying to keep us occupied. We went and had haircuts; I had about 30cm chopped off my hair so it was to just below my shoulder blades and told Dad on the phone to "tell Nana about it". I still didn't know much about "acoma" but they'd told me that Nana could hear people talking to her.

N, H and myself didn't get told what had actually happened until Mum and Dad came home for dinner that night.

Not too long after Nana rang on Monday morning (to this day I don't know if Mum managed to talk to her one last time) they realised she needed to go back to the hospital. So she and Pa were packing the bags, and my grandfather came out of the bathroom to find her on the floor.

He performed CPR, and managed to resuscitate her, calling an ambulance. She was still unconscious.

The ambulance arrived (people living in my state will know that in 1993 we didn't have the best performance rate in that area)... and it was the wrong one. They needed an ICU ambulance.

The right ambulance eventually arrived, and they took her into the hospital, to the Intensive Care Unit, where she was put on life support etc.

Mum and Dad told us, when we asked "is she gonna die?" (something no parent wants to have to answer their children on) that she was probably going to live, unless things changed. That could be my memory playing up; I know that I desperately wanted Nana to live.

At around 8pm that evening, Mum and Dad got an urgent phone call from the hospital.

Wednesday 17th.

They said she's brain-dead, and wanted to take her off life support.

I wanted to come in and say goodbye. I was eleven and a half, I wanted this... but Mum and Dad said no. They said that they didn't want my last memories of my grandmother to be one of her lying lifeless, hooked up to a million machines with cords running everywhere. They have said since then they don't know if that was a good idea or not, however, that's what happened and I almost think I'm grateful for it.

I told them to tell them goodbye for me, and that was that. I had lost my grandmother.

Family was everything to my grandmother, and what really gets to me is the fact that out of all of her grandchildren, I'm probably the only one with even a slightly clear memory of her. Her other grandchildren were eight (two of them), six, five and three (twins). We'd see her almost daily, and she was one of those grandmothers who was willing to do anything for her family.

It nearly killed my great-grandmother. She'd been saying for thirty years that "this Christmas will be my last", and suddenly last Christmas was her daughter's last. Her daughter who died at 56, the same age as her husband was when he died (when my great-aunt turned 56 three years ago, we held our breath all year). She was in her eighties, and her daughter died before she did.

My mother gets mistaken for an anorexic at the best of times, and she lost an unhealthy amount of weight that year.

My grandmother loved to cook. The thing is, most of her recipes we all loved so much only existed in her head. Despite being in the middle of copying them down for Mum and my aunt when she died, many of them went to the grave with her. Mum and my aunt are often found calling each other when they find something that's almost like what Nana made... but there's always something missing.

That could have been Nana though. For example, the first Christmas after she died we had it at our house. My grandfather couldn't face having it where Nana used to cook for us all, nor could the rest of the family. So Mum's going through the recipe book, and gets out the one for steamed plum pudding. She starts listing the ingredients to buy, and down the bottom of the page she finds the words "and etcetera".

What the hell does "and etcetera" mean?!

She starts calling people. My great-grandmother, her aunt, her sister, anyone who could know what my grandmother meant by "and etcetera".

Eventually we figured out that it meant whatever she felt like throwing in at the time.

My grandmother was a rabid Carlton supporter. She'd be ready to kill John Elliot at the moment over what he did to her precious Blues. She always felt she failed in her duty... despite raising a family of Carlton supporters, all her children wound up marrying Collingwood supporters, Carlton's sworn enemy in the Australian Football League.

We seriously looked at spreading her ashes on the grounds at Princess Park (now known as Optus Oval), home to the Blues. We decided against it, and there's a nice bench marking the spot we spread them in the gardens at Olinda.

I need to finish this up. But today I just needed to remember.

Love you, Nana.

2003-03-16T18:27:00.000+10:00

Sigh. I love fics that have Buffy point out to Angel the crapness that is her life even more than I love the ones where someone else (Doyle, Whistler) points it out to him. From part 8 of Gia's Secrets & Lies:

“Look, Angel, you have everything you ever wanted in LA. A flourishing business. Money in the bank. Friends. Family. Love. You even have a son, Angel. In short, you have *a normal life.* I had nothing. I had a crappy job at a burger joint, then another crappy job as a school counselor, a sister I was trying to raise on my own, friends that would send me out to face evil but not trust me to make my own decisions about my life, not to mention tons of bills from months of slayerettes staying at my house eating my food.” She paused and took a breath, “No one pays me for slaying night after night. I have no business cards with my name on them, no seer with visions to warn me about the next big bad evil that I’ll have to face. There are no trophies or rewards from apocalypses prevented, no expectations about moving up the ladder in my career, no grand plans about the future ahead of me. There’s no toy surprise, no great reward waiting for me when this is all over.”

Buffy took a drink of her wine and soothed her hair. She didn’t blame him for the Shanshu prophecy; quite the contrary – she hoped very much for his sake that he found his redemption and got his reward.

"All I get, Angel, is what you see now. Until one day I die and I’m replaced by the next girl that has to give up her life, her love, maybe even her happiness for something that’s bigger than herself.” She finished almost in a fury.

2003-03-15T13:17:00.000+10:00

Squeeeeeeeee!!

I love the ABC, really I do. I love Aunty more than words can say.

Top 5 Reasons I Adore the ABC:

5. A tie between their news (which actually tells you what's happening) and Rage, for showing the new silverchair clip.

4. JJJ Breakfast. It makes waking up in the morning enjoyable, when there's Wil Anderson and Adam Spencer to listen to.

3. Badly Drawn Boy will be on The Fat next Friday.

2. Speaking of next Friday, The Glass House will be returning. I may have to start using my Wil Anderson LJ icon.
10:25 pm -- The Glass House [M, PIC: Adult themes and material that may offend.]
Series return. Wil, Corinne & Dave investigate the strangest news of the week, lay bare the darkest secrets of their personal lives & ask reasonably special guests embarrassing questions. With The Greens' Kerry Nettle and Ben Lee.

And the number one reason I'm currently in complete and utter adoration of the ABC:

1. Starting this Thursday at 9pm, they'll be screening Manchild. Squeeeeeeeee!!
9:00 pm -- Manchild [M, PIC: Contains coarse language, adult themes, and a sex scene]
Witty look at the new adolescence of the 50-something male. Terry and his friends have paid the alimony and the emotional price. Now they're ready to be men-about-town and this time they have the money to do it in style. Nigel Havers

2003-03-14T13:19:00.000+10:00

Firstly, again with the new iconage. I blame Diana for the two Mr. Blobby ones (it's very sad), but it's my own obsessions with yet another Tim Tams icon. I need to get back to that Buffy-icon-obession, really. I think it was healthier.

Yesterday, the Prime Minister of Australia, the Honourable (well, that's questionable...) John Howard made this very long-winded speech with a total lack of charisma about Iraq. I watched about half of it live (I'm a masochist) but turned the TV off in disgust when he said the following:

Bin Laden identified Australia as a terrorist target because of the intervention in East Timor. Let me pose the question, if that threat had been issued prior to the invention in 1999 should the Australian government have pulled back? I think not. Would the Australian public have wanted the government then in the face of that threat to have pulled back? I think not.

Okay, I agree with him in the context in which it was given, BUT. As someone who wrote letters and campaigned long and hard for Australia to at least recognise what was happening in East Timor, can I just say how much that statement got under my collar in a bad way?

The situation with Iraq is completely different to that which existed in East Timor.

As far as I'm concerned, what the Western stance on Iraq is doing, is simply breeding further anti-Western sentiment and future terrorists. Colin Powell, I think it was, said recently that the new regime after they topple Saddam would look favourably upon the nations that helped oust the previous government.

The people won't. The people of Iraq don't see the West as some powers who are looking out for them. They see us as the people who make it so they don't have medicines when they are sick, that they can't have clean water, that they can't have the basic necessities of life due to the sanctions placed upon their nation. They won't see the food relief as a blessing during war, but they will remember the terror of the bombs dropping every day for a decade.

If I can be shown solid proof that Iraq still has "weapons of mass destruction" and are a threat (I don't like Saddam and think the sooner he gets out of power the better, but at the moment I can't see anything coming from him in terms of world-peril), I'll eat my words. I'll issue a public apology for every anti-war comment I have made. I'll even drink coffee at Starbucks and eat at McDonalds.

I'm yet to see proof that makes me think I need to start composing the odes.

Show me proof. Show me something that says this rush towards war is necessary. Show me something that justifies the loss of thousands upon thousands of lives. Show me something that says we don't need approval from the U.N. to march towards war, and I'll be quiet.

Until then, I'll stand firm in my belief that this is unnecessary and dangerously stupid, and that without a U.N. mandate anyone who orders the march to war is guilty of government-sponsored terrorism.

p.s. if anyone is even more masochistic than me and wants to read the speech in full, you can find it here.

2003-03-13T17:43:00.000+10:00

I've been doing the parody-of-fanfiction fics today, and because I'm hopelessly addicted to posting at least once a day (don't ask me why) I'm just sharing the links.

The fic that started my going-through-them-all-afternoon was actually a West Wing fic. I've never watched the show, but everyone has to read Any Given Day.

Then there's Matt's After a Day's Work at the NC17 Studio which... lmao!!

But I still think that my favourites are HonorH's 'Ships that Pass Into Type saga, the third of which I hadn't read until today (note to self: must check her page on fanfic.net more often).

There's 'Ships that Pass Into Type, Some 'Ships Shouldn't Sail and the new one, Loose Lips, Sinking 'Ships (which concludes that AtS canon-ships have finally gotten stranger than anything the fans have ever thought up).

I'd rec Serena's Free Time and The Meeting, but a). I don't know if Serena would thank me for it, and b). they're more the characters railing against the writers, rather than the fanfic people. Same with Matt's The Wonderland Option.

But have spent a highly amused afternoon. Which was much better after that very strange Buffy/Glory fic.

Side-note: sobbing over the loss of Yahoo Groups this weekend. As I said to Dawny, sometimes I get frustrated by the crap that gets sent out, but how will I survive without it?!

p.s. a Tim Tam icon at the icony page.

edited because I freaked out FaithGirl, Groups isn't going away completely. This is what they're saying:

The Yahoo! Groups service will be down for scheduled maintenance Friday, March 15, 9:00 PM PST (GMT-8) as we move our servers to a new facility. We expect the service to be restored the morning of Sunday March 17.

During this time the web site will be unavailable and email will not be delivered. (Some users may experience email non-delivery notices while the service is down, but all email should be delivered once service is resumed.) Please note: once the service is restored, there will be email delays due to backlog. We expect these delays to last no longer than 1 day. Please do not re-send email to your group as this will only add to delays.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

The Yahoo! Groups Team

2003-03-12T08:32:00.000+10:00

Article in today's Age on Fametracker and TWoP. I kept looking for a Miss Windy quote and couldn't find one <sigh>

Am at the local library, which as a service... well... sucks. Sorry to any of the librarians going through the history and reading this <g> but it's true. But I'm on the children's computer which appears to have both MSN and YIM installed... may have to come back after I've signed the forms in an hour...

I'm sure I had other stuff I wanted to say, but I've forgotten what it was.

The other highlight of today's paper? A cartoon on the front page with the American and British delegates to the UN Security Council storming away from the table as the Russian and French delegates glare at them, with the USA and UK people angrily declaring, "Iraq needs a democracy!" "And the U.N. needs a dictatorship!"

2003-03-11T21:24:00.000+10:00

Okay. Major Quote Squee. I got an email with S.J. Smith's new one-piece Wasteland. Her sig was this quote:

"You have friends with a bond that grows stronger every day, while [Buffy] watches her bonds of friendship fade more and more. You have a prophecy telling of redemption and reward, while she has only the promise of a lifetime of fighting...You are experiencing a new love where she has only found failure in every relationship she attempts...And finally, you have a son, the one thing you claimed was your motivation for leaving. To give her the opportunity to have a family, but she's alone and look at you." Doyle, to Angel, "Dreams of Forever" -- Jossfan28

Bear in mind that I haven't read it yet... but my God, that quote!!!

and heh... just going to tape Buffy for H... next on Buffy... "who needs enemies when you have a best friend like this?" -- they were indicating that it was Willow who "must be stopped" in Selfless. Nothing like misleading the public...

2003-03-11T19:28:00.000+10:00

I received a phone call at 4pm this afternoon. Should I manage to get off intensive assistance, I can be accepted into the training program I had the interview and testing for.

I guess I'm supposed to feel elated at this. After all, in nearly 12 months of unemployment, during which time I applied for every job available within the local area, I'd only gotten as far as an interview once before this.

Yet I'm filled with what I can only describe as dread at the thought of this.

I've known for some time that part-time work would suit me infinitely more than full-time. Whilst this would not allow for financial freedom, it would allow me to retain peace of mind and some semblance of sanity, allowing me to stave of what I'm beginning to view as an inevitable emotional breakdown when faced with the stresses of Real Life in The Real World. I worked in the library for 20 to 30 hours a week, if that, and whilst it didn't pay quite as well as to allow me the financial independence I crave it allowed me to stay sane. I was there for over four months with no sign of emotional stress, whilst at the accounting firm (my time there still gives me nightmares) I was told to get home as quickly as possible where my parents could watch me by that stage. I was heading rapidly in that direction after a month of being faced with my inadequacies at the bakery.

I guess that's why I was disappointed when I discovered that I didn't get the bank teller position. Not only because it was the closest I'd gotten to employment for so long, but because I would have had one day off a week, in addition to the weekends. The fact that it was Tuesdays, and as such a day when my doctor was available for our appointments, was an added bonus.

That's the thing with me being in full-time employment. My doctor is a GP. I find that GPs are much better than psychiatrists or whatever; I don't know why, but the two GPs I've seen make more headway in one session than any shrink has in the entire time I've seen them. But her appointments -- the one-hour ones, anyway -- are only available at 9am.

Here, Working!Smurfy, you can become a Valuable Member of Society and not just a Burden On The System, you can stop feeling self-conscious every time you see the unemployment statistics and you can make some contribution to the economy, but we'll cut you off from every ounce of support you've managed to build for yourself over time.

The thing is... the thing is, I need this. I need to get into a position where I'm not stagnating in an unhealthy lifestyle as I have been. I need to go out and join the Real World again. But there's fear, and there's a strong knowledge of how badly my track record has been in that area.

This program will run for four weeks, during which time I'll still be on Centrelink benefits. Licence-less me will be catching a bus at 7.37am every morning, and getting home after 6pm each day. I know that this will bring up the old issues with my father, who will be saying how I should have been taking driving lessons. Never mind my issues and the fact that I get the shakes at the thought of getting behind the wheel of a car (let's just say my first experiences with my father at driving were less than savoury, and with my self-esteem etc I become that quivering wreck again every time I get in the car with someone I don't know. Which is really good when said person is a driving tester. I've been going through meditative exercises with my doctor, but as yet...). But I'm happy to pay the $9 a day in bus fares. The $18 a day without any form of concession, should the placement they find me be in town (and it most likely will be) may be a stretch, but I'm willing to do almost anything to avoid the stress of the driving issue.

But yeah. I won't be around much in terms of chat-time as of next Monday (Sunday USA time). Although I will be around more in the Australian time-zones for chatting...

I'll just have to make sure I'm online over the weekends, and rediscover the wonders of email, as opposed to instant messaging.

Random thought of the day: The Diary of Anne Frank is the most-read diary/journal in the world. Would The Very Secret Diaries count on such a list, and if so, how far down would they be?

2003-03-10T13:59:00.000+10:00

I had a number of errands I wanted to run today.

I wanted to go to the post office, go to a Centrelink office, go to the local job network place, and a couple of other bits and pieces.

So I'm lying in bed awake at 7am, wondering why I can't hear H going around and getting ready for school.

When suddenly I remember.

It's the Labour Day public holiday in Victoria. Doh!

Is it just me, or is this year zooming by? <sigh> I remember when each year seemed to drag on and on, and it was forever between each summer holiday (and by extension, Christmas). And yet it's mid-March already.

I haven't given anything up for Lent. I'd actually forgotten it was Lent until I saw the Shrove Tuesday/Ash Wednesday stuff on the calendar; see my comments about the year going by too quickly. But I have a friend who will give up coffee each Lent, and has a tin in her kitchen to donate 20cents to the Royal Children's Hospital Good Friday Appeal for every coffee she has. Needless to say, she gives a fair bit to the charity.

Giving up stuff for Lent has never been something that looms large in my family. We're not Catholic, but members of the Uniting Church of Australia, so very protestant (despite the Catholic school education all us kids received).

Church and faith in general has always been a part of my life. If you look in my baby books, under "first outing" there's the words "church picnic". I remember going into shock when I went to kindergarten and realised for the first time that there were people who didn't go to church. Sure, my paternal grandparents didn't go, but I thought that was an aberration; all my friends were members of the church, as were my parent's social circle. My parents met via church youth groups. My father's been a Uniting Church Minister for (almost) nine years now.

But I've always been pretty casual about my faith.

Sure, I used to go to church every Sunday, but at the moment it's not even Good Friday and Easter, it's only Christmas Day I darken the church's door. I don't pray every night, although we say a standard grace at the dinner table (if it's me, N or H saying it, it's simply a very rote "dear heavenly father, thank you for this lovely food, amen"). I actually have huge problems with evangelism, and I find the people going around telling you to repent or go to hell, the people standing on the steps of Flinders Street Station reading from the bible, the people who go around trying to convert people... I have as huge problems with them as anyone else.

Heh. Dad's brushing Jasper to get rid of what he's shedding, and the cat's in ecstasy.

Anyway. I don't know where I'm going with this, but over Lent (and especially over Holy Week) I tend to reflect on faith and spirituality.

I almost wish I'd gone with Dad to his services yesterday (they weren't at the local church) because apparently he was going to talk about how even God makes mistakes and sins, and has to apologise for them. It would have been interesting to see how the congregation reacts to something like that.

2003-03-09T21:13:00.000+10:00

Because it's still Sunday here and the seven is up, for once I'm going to actually do...

Seven on Sunday

Seven on Sunday: Seven super powers you'd love to have
1. This girl-without-a-license would love to fly... it would also make that Big International Trip (Tour de Babble) a lot cheaper, although I'd like to not be shot down by the Star Wars Missile Detection System, please.
2. To walk through walls. I don't know why. I just think it would be cool. As long as I could still sit in a chair and not sink through the floor, please.
3. A faster metabolism. That's enough of a superpower for me ;)
4. Move things with my mind. Because I'm lazy. Although that might explain part of the metabolism bit...
5. Super strength. Or super-good immune system, in any case.
6. God, this is hard. I'm running out of ideas. X-ray vision... in case I ever meet Viggo. It would also help with the mess that is my room.
7. The ability to heal things. Other people. So I could fly to Africa and cure the AIDS epidempic.

And speaking of, did anyone else hear about the village in which 68 children were immunised with the one needle in the middle of the AIDS epidemic?? God, that... the poor people there.

BTW, Copper, if you're reading this at LJ, go look at my drool page.

2003-03-08T14:50:00.000+10:00

I don't know if it's Australia-wide or not, but here in Victoria you're going to get a speeding fine if you're three kilometres or so over the speed limit.

This has caused a storm of letters to the editor in newspapers, and people complaining about "revenue raising" and how unfair it all is. Generally, I haven't had much sympathy for these people because I figure that speeding is speeding and you should generally know how fast you're driving (I also don't drive and so have no chance of ever being caught over the speed limit).

Then my grandfather was caught doing 65km/h in a 60 zone.

You all know my grandfather. He's the grey-haired man in the car with the hats in the back window, sitting at least 10km/h below the speed limit. He's the one you're always caught behind whenever you're in a rush to get somewhere, who takes forever to turn a corner and is generally one of the most frustrating drivers ever to anyone else on the roads.

One day he said, blow it, it's 8am on a Sunday on a deserted country road and who's going to notice if I do five kilometres over the speed limit?

He's now the guy sitting 15km/h below the speed limit.

My Mutual Groupie just shared some BtVS spoilers with me... not happy, but discussing it with her I may get my "bigger-than-The Gift" episode after all...

2003-03-07T17:02:00.000+10:00

Having now actually seen About A Boy (and yes, I bought the DVD before seeing the film. I adore Nick Hornby, so...) any part of me not in total lust with Badly Drawn Boy is now gone. So not fair.

I want to be Peter David when I grow up. Even if he thinks AtS is better than BtVS (I take it he's skipped most of the last season...). I could be bitchy and point out that he can't spell "Lyla"...

But that could be me thinking that bringing out the CHEEKBONES equivilent does not a series make ;)

Anyway. I'll say hi because it seems some people get all excited when they're mentioned in an entry <g> so here's a shout-out.

I actually realised today that daylight savings will be ending here soon, and so my entire internal clock regarding international time-zones will be thrown out by a couple of hours. This may suck...

2003-03-06T21:12:00.000+10:00

Firstly, new layout at the blog... procrastinate? Moi?

I need to thank Faithgirl once again for the fantastic Princess Bride layout that, alas, is no longer with us. It was a fantastic layout, sweets, I just felt the need for a change. And I'm kind of hoping this works the way I want it to now!!! Stupid screwy tag board...

New layout is, of course, Bad Eggs. If you don't know who the couple are, I have to wonder why you're reading this. See, Emily, I can still ship with the best of them <g>

Of course, as soon as I finished making this one I had an urge to make an Alison Mack one... that may arrive when the second season of Smallville arrives here.

Okay, a side-note for font-addicted peoples... does anyone have any idea why not all the fonts in my fonts folder (and yes, they're all True Type .ttf files) are accessible in Word or PSP etc? I've tried re-installing them, but it's not working -- it's also annoying me no end.

I spent today in town, visiting doctors, taking employment tests and trying to find people birthday presents. The shops wouldn't co-operate for some people's so they may be a little late, and I think I really want to keep what I got for someone else (who, I might add, didn't actually tell me it was her birthday <pointed look> and may get a scolding for it next time we cross paths).

The doctor's visit was actually <gasp> productive today... I'm not sure, but I think hell might have frozen over. I need to spend the time until my next appointment looking at what "works" in my life at the moment... because obviously something is working in my life, or else I'd be a blob on the floor. And the only time I'm actually a blob on the floor is when I turn into mush over fluffy fanfiction, but let's not go there.

We came up with some interesting theories, my doctor and I, but I just need to keep thinking about that. Hence I'm typing it here, because heaven knows it's the only way I'll remember it.

Of course, then I burst into tears about ten minutes before my hour-long appointment finished as I told her that it's almost the tenth anniversary of my grandmother's death.

General warning to all: don't expect a bright, bubbly or green post on St Patrick's Day from me. My grandmother died after spending three days in a coma in ICU following an asthma attack at the age of 56 on the 17th March 1993, and I'm currently feeling like I'm in the first stages of grief again.

Okay, that's a lie. It's not the first stages, but I'm feeling it more than I have in quite some time. I know that reading about Rae's loss has made me remember it all more vividly, but... I probably should talk to my mother about it all, given how she was for a good year or so after Nana's death (my mother gets mistaken for an anorexic at the best of times, and in the year following she lost way too much weight) and I know that she'll be feeling it, but I don't know how to bring up the topic. Mum and I... well... I think most people will know we aren't terribly close all the time. We care, but we… clash. We cope better when we're not living in the same house, but please note Smurfy's situation in life.

Since I was in town today, and feeling a little blue after going through it all with the doctor (also feeling very frustrated after the spelling and grammar section of the testing... circle the spelling and grammar mistakes, and it read like the worst piece of fanfic you've ever read. I wanted to circle the entire document)... so retail therapy.

I want to buy out Just Jeans and their winter wardrobe. Seriously. Their winter coats... I'm not meant to want lambskin. I'm not. I feel guilty enough wearing leather shoes. But they were so. nice. And they have 20% off all skirts, and they had nice long suede ones and... and... and I don't do retail therapy on clothing, so I didn't buy anything. But I love winter clothing so much. I'm never tempted by summer fashions, but I love being able to wear my winter wardrobe. I've got three times as many outfits for winter as I do for summer (although given I have about three outfits for the summer months, that's not saying much).

So I responded by going into Collins and into Sanity and into Myers... I had to get H a PSP game (The Clone Wars) so I "accidentally" found copies of About A Boy and Notting Hill (it was a package deal) along with Four Weddings And A Funeral (it was only $14.95... how could I say no?!) on the EFTPOS transaction.

Then when I was getting some of those presents, I found that a Norah Jones single was only $2.95, and I love b-sides... and Neon Ballroom was on special and my copy's kinda worn out (and with N at uni) so... and then Janis was only $14.95, so...

Sigh. I should have all plastic cards taken away from me whenever I go into town. Seriously. At least I avoided buying AtS season 2... that's next week's job (didn't I say that last fortnight?)

2003-03-05T15:30:00.000+10:00

Okay. It's official. I now have D.I.Y. ulcers from Buffy Defence. I need to stop getting so worked up over this show, because... ow.

Of course, in the meantime I've gotten the basic HTML done to do a new layout at the blog (Emily will be so proud of me, because it's a Bad Eggs layout) and for Copper's long-promised website. Procrastination rocks!

I'm on a strange Simon & Garfunkle kick at the moment. Huh. I think I have to blame the Grammys. It made me put aside Norah and put in The Sounds of Silence. Who woulda thunk?

I forgot to tape BtVS for H last night, so I'm in the dwang today. It was Help, too, and that's meant to be a fairly decent episode, right?

Slightly tempted to watch Selfless next week, which will be the first time Joss has really tempted me since the insanity episode (whatever it was called) last season. And not because it was brought up, but for the utter hypocrisy of Xander. It's okay to give Buffy shit for not killing Angel straight away for how many seasons, but the instant it's someone he cares about...

This is another reason I refuse to watch the shows anymore. It's not good for my blood pressure.

Speaking of blood pressure, I need to get that blasted thing is finished for B.D., ulcers and rising blood pressure aside. So enough procrastination with the HTML and rambling about nothing, I need to finish that essay.

2003-03-04T19:53:00.000+10:00

Something the more observant amoungst us may have noticed is that H gets more use out of my DVDs than I do.

This evening, as I read some of the reactions to the latest DB interview (needless to say I didn't go to the main part of the BB), H was watching Somnambulist. And as I watched that, I was busy remembering why AtS season 1 was so good...

I'm Buffy's girl. I make no apologies for that, just as I make no apologies for the fact that it was the travesty called AtS season 3 that kept me from watching BtVS season 6. And I'm still not watching either show; I keep the memory of how they were before they jumped the shark, even if the jumped version is better than most hours you can spend in front of the TV.

It will take more than just a B/A reunion to make me watch the final episodes of the show, because I felt that The Gift was the perfect ending. It will have to show me a finale for Buffy that is bigger than her doing what all Slayers are required to do, sooner or later -- dying to save the world.

You'll have to excuse me here, because I adore The Gift. It's my all-time favourite episode, and no one can ever convince me that it isn't the bookend that the series was meant to finish on. And if anyone dares tell me Buffy was being "selfish", you'll get the essay I'm just finishing writing for Buffy Defence quoted at you. I could gush on about why this was the perfect ending for the series (whether Angel appeared in it or not) for days.

But instead I'll say this: the only thing that could make me tune in to see the last episode, whether or not we get some massive B/A affirmation, is if they give us the Fray ending. As much as I hate it, Buffy is the Slayer. She's never going to get that happily ever after, we all know that. One Slayer dies, the next one is called. There's a production line of them coming from the Powers That Be, and sailing off in the moonlight with her Prince Charming is never going to be part of the equation.

That's why I love The Gift so much. It was Buffy. She didn't have that which had kept her alive anymore.

"The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies."

She didn't have her mother. The Scoobies were busy telling her to kill her little sister; to my mind that counts them out as being any form of support. She was faced with killing Dawn, or dying herself. She chose to die herself.

This could turn into a big thing on how heroic she is to my mind. This could turn into another massive defence of Buffy.

But I'll just say that it will take an awful lot in my mind to top that. And it has to be bigger than The Gift to get me to tune in again.

This all had a point when I started. I can't remember it now, and I'm sure it wasn't that. You'll just have to live with what I wrote, then.

2003-03-04T17:59:00.000+10:00

Yesterday afternoon, H was sitting in the living room watching my AtS season 1 DVDs -- Room w/a Vu and Sense and Sensitivity to be exact.

As the episode was playing (and as I was complaining that I miss Kate to everyone I was chatting with... they could at least have given an explanation of where she went, y'know? And it's not like there was ever actually anything between her and Angel...), my mother comments that they really must have made Kate as a form of Buffy-replacement. I said something about how they did, how she and Angel were meant to have some form of sparkage but hello, the whole reason he left Sunnydale was because he couldn't be with a human.

Then my father, bless his soul, said, "if they were going to put him with a human, you'd think they'd pair him up with Cordy."

I kid you not. My father said this. As my mother was going "shhhhhhhh!! Don't say that!!" and waving her arms in the air to get him to shut up.

My mother knows you don't say something like that in front of me. Dad hasn't quite gotten the point yet, although I think after I finished telling him how incestuous the idea is and cursing the day David Greenwalt was born, he'd received some idea that this is not a topic you raise in front of me (you'd think he'd have learnt after all the times at the dinner table when he started a conversation about Buffy and Spike from the episode H had in the DVD player as we ate, but he's male. These things take time to sink in).

"Sorry I asked..." he says.

2003-03-03T14:07:00.000+10:00

I don't know why, but at the moment I've been thinking about desserts, and trifle in particular.

Have I ever talked about my great-grandmother's trifle? I hope everyone knows what trifle is -- it's a desert, with a layer of cake on the bottom, then a layer of custard and a layer of jelly and cream. Sometimes there's a layer of tinned/stewed fruit in there, too.

I can never eat it.

My great-grandmother was a teetotaller, and very dedicated. She declared until she died at 92 at the start of 1999 that alcohol had "never passed" her lips. The glass of brandy she drank every night for "medicinal purposes" never counted, of course, and she never knew what the "green cordial" (Miduri) was that she insisted on trying when she saw my grandmother and aunt drinking it.

But when she made her trifle, she would soak the cake in sherry. This never counted, either, because the alcohol was "cooked out of it".

If you don't get the joke yet, let me just say that trifle is served cold. She would soak the cake in sherry, put in the custard, layer the jelly and cream and put it in the fridge. Somewhere in there, the sherry somehow managed to be cooked out of it.

I swear, one piece of that trifle would make you unable to drive home.

2003-03-02T20:58:00.000+10:00

Okay, if you've ever entertained a slashy thought in your life, head on over to Red Panda's place and look at the slashy pics of Viggo and Karl. But the main thing you have to see is Dom and Billy's reaction to a manip. I'm still wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.

editing to add, because it's all from Red Panda's LJ

Followed a link to here where I found the following comments -- it's an interview with Sean Astin:

When asked, in a roundabout way, about the, ahem, relationship between Frodo and Sam (with specific reference to comments made on the subject by Sir Ian McKellen), Sean said, "Tolkien rocks." He said that Tolkien's description of the love bond between the two male hobbits is very powerful. He was very committed to the qualities he saw in Sam: loyalty, honesty, faithfulness. But he didn't personally think that the relationship amounted anything sexual, although he said that if Sir Ian wanted to think that, "far be it for [him] to burst his bubble." He mentioned that Sir Ian was the one who pointed out that in the original text, it describes Sam stroking Frodo's hand in Rivendell when he awakes, and Sean played it in the scene because he wanted to be true to story.

The last questioner managed to squeeze in an inquiry about, of all things, the Very Secret Diaries. Everyone, including Sean, laughed. He said he has, indeed, read them. He said, "yeah, they're all about how cute Orlando is. How beautiful Elijah's eyes are." But he said that LOTR producer Mark Ordesky told him once, "If you want your man true, then you want Sam." That brought down the house.

He's read The Very Secret Diaries!! Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

2003-03-02T18:15:00.000+10:00

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

New favourite website:

John Howard's Blog (authenticity may be questionable)

Should be online for catch-up and update tomorrow... and for the record, Jen, MISS YOU, TOO!!!!

Also with the Groupie-missage, but she knows that anyway ;)

2003-02-28T20:07:00.000+10:00

I always thought that the university student heading home with the trunk of his/her car filled with washing for mum was just a stereotype. I never did that once (in my all-of-one-semester at university), although I didn't have a car.

Then N came home for the weekend.

2003-02-28T14:51:00.000+10:00

<ot> actually rather disappointed in LJ's moods at the moment... they don't have one for "crampy, cranky, hormonal and ready to kill whoever decided it would be a good idea to give me a uterus". Very short-sighted of them. </ot>

When I was in town yesterday, I found the Disney version of Robin Hood on DVD for a pretty good special. Guess who owns a copy of it now <g> I © that film muchly... and if I ever get around to putting in this harddrive there may be cartoon Disney Robin Hood LJ mood theme coming out. I'm looking at moving the blog and getting it hosted somewhere... there may be a Robin Hood layout there, too. I remember watching that film all. the. time. on VHS as a child...

The reason I was in there was because I had thing interview-thingamajig. It's this thing where they train you and they're hooked up with employers and find you a job... it's all very complicated and if we're chatting I may be able to explain it all properly, but unless I'm going to spend all day here it's not going to fit in an entry.

Anyway, this program is funded by Centrelink, and it gives its places to the people who are most disadvantaged, and have the least chance of getting a job. Because I got good VCE (high school certificate) results -- I was in the top 15% or so in my year for my state -- that then put me at a disadvantage for getting this training. As a result, I actually had to talk about my depression and everything, placing emphasis on it, in order to make it so I have a better chance of getting this.

Colour me stunned. I'm pretty open about it to friends and family and general acquaintances; if we have someone over for dinner I've never seen before I'll take my meds in front of them and I make no apologies for it. I'll mention doctor's appointments etc in front of people; if they take issue with it, fine, but it's a part of me and I'm not going to hide it.

But it's not something you normally discuss with potential employers. "Yes, I've been on medication for major depression for the past two years, and suffered from it in an undiagnosed form for at least a year, probably longer, before that. I can pretty much trace it back to when I was twelve. Yes, it caused me to lose at least one job, drop out of university, go on sickness benefits for over six months and become suicidal (not necessarily in that order), but really, I'm not an employment risk."

It was kind of twilight zone-ish.

We've been having a bit of rain here both yesterday and today, and there's more scheduled -- yay!! On the other hand, it's been in the form of thunderstorms and lightning strikes have sparked more fires.

I love a sunburnt country
A land of sweeping plains
Of rugged mountain ranges
Of droughts and flooding rains

I notice Dorothy didn't mention "and bushfires every bloody summer". I guess it's not as poetic.

How's this for irony; heading back from fighting the fires, a fire truck was swept off the road by a flash flood and one of the fire-fighters drowned. I'm sad on the part of the woman's family; it's a tragedy, but it kind of sounds like something Alanis would sing about.

On the more positive side, in over 50 days of fires it's the first person killed in this state. So... yay?

Due to thunder, this all wasn't posted yesterday. The parents were worried about the storm and the computer... but because I don't have that same concern <g> there are now a number of new LJ icons up... including <gasp> some non-Buffy ones!!! And they're not X-Men, either :p There's even a Wil Anderson one, which can be customised upon request (as can the Lisa Simpson ones). I'm actually in the middle or reorganising the icony pages...

A little plug in here... Leelee has a livejournal!!!!!!! Go support her!! I'd also like to point out to Leelee that it's quite a bit warmer than 12 degrees here and I'm still wearing a long-sleeved top and solid shoes, and my skirt is lined.

2003-02-26T15:39:00.000+10:00

Firstly...

Happy Birthday, Diana

I gotta say, I'd forgotten what it was like. That first rush when you start reading fanfiction on a couple, when you're not jaded and you have nothing to compare it all with, when you can't complain that you've read every. single. decent. fic about them. The first serious flirtation/seduction of a new shimmering sparkling ship as you realise that this couple is going to make a serious indention onto the lack of free space on your harddrive.

It's not too often I get this kind of reaction. I can have flirtation with fandoms, sit on the outskirts being there mostly being I'm like a boil on the behind of certain authors (hi, Molly, hi, Trix) yet not with the fully enthused.

I've flirted with X-Files (okay, we had a hot and heavy affair going on for the summer following Requiem), Smallville (although my continuing childhood affair with Lois and Clark forbids me from getting more involved than some serious Chloe-worship), Harry Potter, and even Lord of the Rings (again, solely a case of drooling over Viggo)... but none of them really sucked me in. This has only been a couple of days but it's come up behind me and hit me over the head as no couple has since B/A.

Two fandoms have ever been able to completely suck me in until I can't see straight; Star Trek and BtVS. I may just be sucked into X-Men now -- and I always thought it would be because of Patrick Stewart. But I'm on such a Rogue/Logan kick at the moment and... gah. Gah. It puts that "aaaaaahh" back into gah, I swear.

I'm at that stage where you get online at 1pm and suddenly realise it's gone three in the morning and you don't know where the time's gone (okay, so it's like that every time I go to The Naughty Slayer...).

But it's probably about time I found something new to obsess about, fandom wise, anyway. Or at least found a distraction; I can't see myself taking out a subscription to the comics any time soon, and if they twist everything like every other comic canon thing has (like putting Barbara Gordon in a wheel chair <sulk>) it might be best if I stick to the fanon side of things.

BtVS is just making me more and more bitter and twisted. Last night as I started taping BtVS (Same Time, Same Place) both for H and in the hope that maybe, one day, I might be able to watch it... I realised the latter is never going to happen. They've killed the characters to me.

I watched Giles with Willow, and I started on the same internal rant I had when the episodes first screened in the USA. Buffy comes back -- is pulled out of the only fucking peace she's ever managed to feel and he gives her a hug and friggin' leaves the country, because she should cope on her own. Willow is able to indulge in the meltdown Buffy's never been allowed -- is called "selfish" if she indulges in a tenth of the pain Willow was allowed to express -- and Giles becomes her father figure, running to the rescue. I'm still waiting for him to poison her and lock her in a house with an insane vampire.

These characters are dead to me. I'm unable to feel anything but rage for any of them with the exception of Dawn and Buffy, and that's probably because I've only sat through a season of Dawn and I make myself look at Buffy through her own eyes because no one else takes the time to fucking think about her side of things.

I saw an ad for the new season of AtS last night, sans sound. It was painful in that it still almost looked like the show I once loved. I refuse to watch it, Angelus returning or not. To me, bringing out Angelus is like showing more nekkid Spike. It's desperate, and doesn't make everything right in the series. Angelus is the AtS version of "CHEEKBONES!!!!!", and we shouldn't ignore it just because we like him more than we like Spike.

Some series you know are in trouble because they have superstar cameos every episode, ala the last season of Ally McBeal. You know AtS is in trouble because they're bringing back their most popular characters in an effort to win back the fans they've pissed off so much.

So I'm going off with my Rogue and my Wolverine, who have a star-crossed lover appeal with their own version of the B/A curse... not to mention sassy female with a big, protective brooding guy who can growl with the best of them. Maybe they'll help me let go a little, as I sit with my knees up to my chest tucked in front of the computer, getting bruised shins from where they press against the desk and wearing more holes in the computer chair. Pins and needles, here I come!

2003-02-25T14:51:00.000+10:00

Fuck you, Johnny.

In the 1960s, education was declared to be for everyone, not just the rich. It wouldn't matter what class you come from, education was for all, and everyone had the opportunity to have a university degree should they get the marks required in their final year of high school.

Students then pay back their HECS in their tax over x number of years.

Now the Howard government wants to make it so that fully half the places at universities have to be full-fee paying placements, and should you go over the allotted course time (say, fail a subject and need to have an extra semester) you will need to pay for that up front.

Australia is not a class society. This is making way for the rich to get richer, and the poor to be stuck in a rut that they will never be able to climb of from. Education is not just for the rich, Johnny. If your arse-licking stance on Iraq didn't turn me unequivocally off you and your politics (granted, not that I was fan before this) you've well and truly lost any respect I may have ever held for you over the gun reforms of 1996.

I am positively shaking with rage over these proposed "reforms". I can only pray that Labour can garner enough support in the senate to block them, because if this is passed, heaven help Australia.

2003-02-24T20:20:00.000+10:00

Whenever something happens that upsets my balance, I do my best to avoid it. Escapism rawks my world!!

Seriously. I'm never as engrossed in fanfiction as when I'm at my worst. September 12th (September 11th occured at 10pm on the 11th here in Australia) as the TV had rerun on every channel of news that was unchanging and bleak, I spent in front of a computer reading Worlds of Longing for the first time. I still can't even look at that fic to this day.

When I've been unable to leave my room or whatever, most of the time has been spent reading fanfiction. The only thing that kept me from jumping off a bridge during my semester at university was the B/A Fluff list. Whenever things get too bad, I escape into a world with my favourite characters so I can have my emotions manipulated by them, not by some serotonin shit in my head. It can cheer me up, and when it's angsty it's their angst, not mine.

I don't know how or why it works, but it's my form of self-medication. Sometimes I don't know if it's any healthier than hard drugs, or alcohol or sex, but it's how I avoid what's in my own mind.

Someone I've come to care about sent an email out to one of the lists I'm on today. I didn't realise until it was too late that she didn't actually realise it was going out to the lists, and by the time I did I... God. I still don't know how to react. I don't know what to say about something I shouldn't know about and she clearly didn't want to be common knowledge, and I don't know that I can't not react, if that makes any sense at all.

So I went into my old tried and true method. It's worked with BtVS fanfiction, it's worked with X-Files fanfiction, and now I've discovered it works with X-Men fanfiction.

And I still don't know if it's healthy.

2003-02-24T18:59:00.000+10:00

Woooooo!!! Blogger's back up!!!!

I © handbags. I'm one of those crazy people who will go into a handbag store and window shop for hours. I adore those tiny cute handbags that are so in fashion and have been for a couple of years now.

But I can’t use them.

The problem is, I’m not a small-bag person.

I envy people who can walk out the door with a purse, keys and phone. I take that, but add on a dairy/daily planner, address book, pen, paper (notebook), Ventolin, my prescription sunglasses (for my short-sightedness), novel, diskman, CDs, mints, lip balm, water... and the list goes on.

I don’t have a handbag. I have a carryall. My bag can put my back out if I lift it wrong.

Am I alone in this, or is it a female thing? I remember a Cathy comic strip where they said that within every large-bag person there’s a small-bag person waiting to get out.

I freely admit to being a hoarder. I can’t throw anything out. I collect and aquire junk. It multiplies; I swear, someone has to do a study on the breeding patterns of junk. It’s more fertile than rabbits.

That’s the thing, I know a lot of it’s useless. But I can’t get rid of it. I have boxes and boxes of books sitting at the bottom of my closet that haven’t seen the light of day for well over three years, but I can’t give them away (never, ever throw books out).

Clothing or shoes etc are fine; I’ll send it all down to the op-shop without a second glance. But when it comes to my clutter, heaven help the soul who suggests a spring clean/garage sale.

2003-02-23T18:40:00.000+10:00

New little quotey section; I was watching The Body with the commentary, and oh. my. God. If you already have the DVD, listen to it. If you don't have the DVD yet, when you do, listen to it. If you have no intention of getting the DVD, you don't know what you're missing.

Kendra just pointed out that Buffy didn't have a b'day episode this year... traditionally it should have been during The Killer In Me. Significant?

2003-02-22T14:01:00.000+10:00

Rather Cute Thing Here Link.

Move the mouse over it's head, tail, in front of it's paws, over the ears... it's cute, in a weird, disturbing kind of way. Just making up for not posting any Jasper pics yet ;)

2003-02-21T16:33:00.000+10:00

"The problem isn't 'what's wrong with Michael Jackson', the problem is 'why do we care?' " -- David Letterman

2003-02-20T18:55:00.000+10:00

I know, I know, I said I'd be online to help with the missage (because I'm suffering from the missage, too), but other people decided they needed the computer with the internet connection. And they use it less than me, and what they needed it for was stuff other than a social life and it's not worth the hassle.

I'm going to start off by pimping my wonderful LJ icons that have caused Emily to want an LJ of her own... sweetie, LJ icons are the reason I wanted one, too... I was making LJ icons before I had an LJ, there's something totally addictive about them. I've also added a song-list so people can tell what songs go with what icons, and I've cleaned up some of the ones that were annoying me.

Soon enough I'll be making more than just Buffy and Aragorn icons... I have requests for Legolas, and I can see I'll also be making actual Janis ones with pics of Janis and not just lyrics, and I'm suddenly also craving John Cusak icons...

I Must Be Stopped. But not until I finish this first songset...

The front page of the local paper is covered with what to do should the fires reach town... we've been blessed with cooler weather of late, but it's started to rise again, temperature-wise, so...

The worst part is that we've been getting rain here, but it hasn't reached the fires. Dad's been going up there at least once a week now, and he'll be driving the whole way with windscreen wipers on... until about two minutes from the fire-front, where they haven't had a drop.

It's just frustrating. It means that it's damp where the fires are heading, but... I want them out!! Apparently there's been over a million hectares burnt out by the fires. That's a lot of ground covered!!

I feel the need to pimp Indie (not that she actually needs pimping, mind you) because I just read Broken and I'm still speechless. If you haven't read, I suggest you go and read it now.

I think my dearest papa learnt a lesson tonight. He had the computer connected to the net when I sat down after dinner. Now, if you lot know me at all, you'll realise I can't resist an internet connection. It calls me. It taunts me with its presence. It calls me in that ghostly wail, "Smuuuuuuurrfy... Smuuuuuuurrfy..." (well, it says Sarah because I don't normally introduce myself as Smurfy around the place but for the purpose of this it says Smurfy, okay??).

Anyway, so instead of the solitaire I was opening, I click on I.E. And promptly realise that there ain't no connection to the server being made, even if there's the little green flashy-things in the corner, and the flash once. Because nothing is happening.

I point this out to my father, and he's going into grump mode.

"I can do what I want on my computer." All that's missing is the green fuzzy fur and the trash can.

I'm just saying there's not much point in having it connected when the connection is dead.

A couple more minutes of this exchange, during which I'm getting frustrated because I was just trying to point out that the connection had dropped even if there's still the little boxes in the corner and he finally reveals that he's trying to send an email and it won't send.

Glaring at me like it's my fault.

I'm pretty grumpy myself by this time, and I point out that there's no information being sent between the server and our computer, as far as the server is concerned we're dead and gone and the only way to send his email is to disconnect and try all over again.

He glares at me, and I leave. Because the only person who connects more than once to the internet is me, and I do it just to rack up the phone bill. The only reason it drops on me, you see, if that I may have two I.E. windows open, or have AIM and YIM going.

Very. very. very. very. frustrated. And when I ask to go online (stupid computer that won't hold a connection) they'll be with the "you spend too much time on that thing". Do you know how many hours it takes me to sort through my inbox if I go 24hours without a connection?!?!?!?!

I know, I know, this is why I need to move out. The problem is the economy sucks, my life sucks, and my general situation in life sucks. I live in a crappy country area with no jobs and when I actually get an interview it goes to some chick who's only going to be in this country for six months before going overseas for a couple of years and dammit, I could have done with that position and it's the only half-decent thing that's come up here in over 12 friggin' months. I'd move out of the area but every time I do that it seems within four or so months I'm in such a state of depression I have to move back home (come running home to mummy and daddy) because doctors are scared I'm going to harm myself.

I just hate it when people assume or seem to think that this is all my choice. When I'm watching some fucking self-help program and they seem to think that depression etc is something you choose, that I want my life to be like this. I was watching something the other day when someone said that it takes "less effort" to be happy than it does to be depressed, that depression takes work. Can I swap heads with the sanctimonious bitch? Because I'm willing to give someone my thoughts, how I feel, and let them try to deal with it all for a day.

"I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying!"

I would love to be able to "expand less effort" and be happy. And maybe it's true. All I know is that when it's just me and my thoughts... happiness is not only an effort, it's impossible.

So fuck you, Oprah. Fuck you, Dr Phil. Maybe you can look on your spirit and lift yourself up out of this shithole, but don't you dare act like it's a life choice for those of us who find it a daily struggle to keep ourselves afloat enough to gasp a breath every couple of days.

See, this is why I shouldn't go too many days without chatting to people.

2003-02-19T13:43:00.000+10:00

Posting this from the local library at the moment... I just came into town so that a). I could pick up AtS season 1 pt 2 (I'll get AtS season 2 next week, I've decided, and then Joss can go shove it where the sun don't shine coz I'll not give another cent to Mutant Enemy), and b). actually get some of the essay-things for Buffy Defense written.

I'm putting my tower in for repairs at the local computer shop sometime this week, and I'd like to get BD up before then. At the moment, every time I go to write a rant, I get most of the rant out of my system standing in the shower (I do my best thinking in the shower... just ask anyone who's ever read one of my snark-fics or heard of the spoonless theory!!) and then it doesn't sound as good when I actually type it up. So I'm making myself sit in coffee shops and not leave until it's written, otherwise I go and open Paint Shop Pro and get all distracted-like.

Anyway. Because 99% of the time I post daily, and I haven't posted for a couple of days here, thought I'd just say where I was. Jen will be happy because I bought Nora Jones today, although I'm still on a Tori kick at the moment (like I'm ever off a Tori kick!!).

Or will I see you dear and wish I could come back
You found a girl that you could truly love again
Will you still call for me when she falls asleep
Or do we soon forget the things we cannot see

2003-02-16T09:33:00.000+10:00

Bored, so gakking from Starla who gakked from Di who gakked from someone else.

The Great Procrastination Survey of 2003

1. If you could be instantly fluent in one other language that you currently do not read or speak, which would it be?
French. Clichéd but true. Either that or German. I don't know why.

2. If you could have the starring role in any film already made, what would it be?
Anything that allowed me to make-out with Viggo? Probably The Princess Bride, because that would just be cool.

3. If you could receive one small package this very moment, who would it be from and what would be in it?
I hear Copper's not that tall... If she won't fit in the mail, then an advance copy of Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix.

4. If you could own one painting from any collection in the world but were not able to sell it, which work of art would you select?
You just want me to show my lack of culture when it comes to art, right?

5. If you were instantly able to play one musical instrument perfectly that you never have played before, what would it be?
I can already "play" (I use that term very loosely) the piano, but I'd love to be able to actually play it. If that doesn't count, the guitar or the flute (aren't I boring today?).

6. If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be?
Does a high metabolism count as a supernatural ability? I think it would in my body <sigh>

7. If you had to choose the most valuable thing you ever learned what would it be?
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return."

Wait, that's not me, that's Moulin Rouge.

Uh...that everything comes with a price.

8. If you could have only one piece of furniture in your house, what would it be?
Does a computer count as furniture?

9. If you could read the private diary of someone you know personally, whose diary would it be?
I don't think I could.

10. If you could have one person you know as your slave (well-paid and cared for) domestic laborer for one month, who would it be?
Someone who's better at it than me? Probably Jen because I'm meant to be her illegal alien maid.

11. If you could choose the way you will die, how would you want it to happen?
Quietly and without fuss.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow to learn that the major newspaper headlines were about you, what would you want them to say?
Something flattering.

13. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do?
Take my Big Overseas Trip (aka Tour de Babble)

14. If you could choose the music at your funeral, what would it be, and who would play it?
I don't know. I'm tempted to say Gloomy Sunday (Billie Holiday or Sarah M version) but that would just be sick. Probably the same could be said for Happy Phantom by Tori... Last Goodbye by Jeff Buckley... All I can think of are the ironic songs.

Of course, Dad once conducted a funeral for this guy who shot himself when his girlfriend broke up with him (for some reason, she didn't show at the funeral. Can't imagine why). The music choices were Together Again, Always by Bon Jovi and as the coffin was lowered into the grave, Never Ever by All Saints ("when you gonna get me out of this black hole" etc).

15. If you could take away the vocal cords of any person, who would it be?
George Bush. Or John Howard. Or Tony Blair. Or Powell. Or anyone with this bloody war rhetoric, to just get them to shut up for a couple of days.

16. If you had to describe your idea of the perfect mate, how would you do it?
SNAG.

Seriously, someone who accepts me as I am, can make me laugh and puts up with my many, varied quirks and obsessions.

17. If you had to have a personal friend redecorate your house, who would you pick to do it?
Cat. I love her taste.

18. If you had to choose the worst home you've ever lived in, which one was it?
I've never lived in a house that was actually falling down or anything like that. But I'd have to say the house in Mildura, or when I was living on campus. On campus because it wasn't the best period in my life, and Mildura because it's a sh*t place to live (great to visit but you wouldn't want to live their) and because the parish decided that neutral colours were "boring", they decided to paint the entire place pink before we moved in, knowing there were two boys of eleven and eight in the family.

19. If you could have prevented one thing from happening between you and a friend, what would it have been?
Everything that caused the estrangement.

20. If you could learn the total number of hours you have spent in your life doing one thing, what would it be?
I'm tempted to say "hours online", but that would just freak me out.

21. If you had to describe yourself as a child in one word, what would it be?
Naïve (not that much has changed)

22. If you could own a single prop from any film ever made what would you choose?
Aragorn's saddle.

2003-02-15T15:04:00.000+10:00

I'm feeling all creative. I've made up some LJ icons with Janis lyrics on them, and I'm making some Dawn ones. But the cap I'm looking for isn't anywhere. Sigh. I have all the DVDs and I can't cap from them. But this whine is getting old, isn't it.

You may notice there's some changes to the side-section. It took me that bloody long to figure out the Aussie Blogs stuff from their instructions; I couldn't find the blasted code they wanted to me use. There will be a section for pictures of my cat (like you expected otherwise when I got a digital camera?!) but at the moment he doesn't like posing that much.

Blank post, really. Nothing interesting to say.

2003-02-15T10:43:00.000+10:00

Ew ew ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwww!!

I'm hit number 21 on Google for "viggo rape fic".

Going to go shower again now.

2003-02-14T18:23:00.000+10:00

I don't often read posts over at the Babble Board any more. I'm an open Buffy!Whore and a number of comments made every day manage to make my blood pressure soar. Also, until now have had no interest in following either show -- for me, the shows ended with The Gift.

But right now, today, I've been reading. And gushing.

The "Buffy, still a heroine" topic I avoided for a couple of days. Then when I read... I'm busy with the worshipping of Clerky, Margot and Trixie.

And then Margot and Clerky in the Buffy spoiler thread! Egad!

It's times like these I actually like still being involved in the online fandom. And those times are few and far between these days, even if I'll never regret being involved in the first place.

2003-02-14T09:15:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting here in hysterics.

My favourite people at Boils and Blinding Torment have a selection of veryveryvery funny Valantine's Day E-Cards up. I'm not sure which is my favourite... there's so many to choose from!!

I'm sorry I forgot to bring you roses for Valentine's Day...
But hey, at least I didn't leave a dead body in your bed.

The True Love! one you have to see to get, and then... gah! I love these people.

Our love is eternal... Just like Buffy and Angel's.
Well, except that she slept with Parker, what? Four episodes after Angel left? And then there was that whole Riley period. And I bet she wasn't really thinking about Angel during all the hot sex with Spike, but then again, isn't he all pining away for Cordy now anyway when he's not making out with electro-babe?
Sorry, lost my train of thought. What was I saying again?

Go visit!! http://www.boilsandblindingtorment.com

2003-02-13T18:16:00.000+10:00

I have this habit of living in places with strange statistics going for them.

Australia has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the developed world. I lived for five years in the place with the highest rate of teenage pregnancy within Australia.

Mildura is a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there. It's very isolated, so it has a lot of shops... for a country town. However, you were always moved on for "loitering". They were big on keeping the kids from loitering.

I lived there from January 1995 when I was going on 14, until January 2000. There wasn't much to do in the town. You had the cinema, the locals clubs etc., the ten-pin bowling alley, the Murray River.

In Mildura, you either got really good at ten-pin bowling, or you made your own entertainment. Erm... we won’t mention how I only ever get gutter-balls, okay?

The cinema was only a twin-theatre affair, but it was really cheap. It was AU$7 for all tickets, adults and kids, to all sessions. They didn't have too many films come through; they had an extension a year or so before we left, but they mostly got the mainstream affairs. But I used to go every weekend, and I haven't been a regular moviegoer since.

Why am I reflecting on this right now? I currently live in a town with the highest number of eateries per permanent resident in the country (it's a tourism town, so cafés/bakeries/restaurants are everywhere) but I still can't get a decent cup of coffee.

Did I mention that I saw Elvis yesterday? He was flying above us, and everyone in the street stopped and stared.

For those of you who are picturing a guy in a white-rhinestone jumpsuit flying over the town, Elvis is one of the water-bombing helicopters we use over here for bushfires.

Speaking of which, I've been chatting to Mum and Dad about them -- mostly yesterday on our way into town, which is half an hour's drive away. We think there's now such thing as a "fire-fighter's tale", which is like asking a fisherman about the one that got away. We've been continually told the fires are two days away from where I live, but now we think it would have to be two days of 40degrees heat and very strong northerly winds. The conditions haven't been that extreme for a couple of weeks, so...

Of course, I've just jinxed it all by saying that.

LMAO!!!! Australia beat Britain in the soccer. What the?!?!?! And I love the captain of the Socceroos... he's lived in England for so long playing over there due to the fact we don't have a soccer program, he speaks with a British accent.

Very amused. Poor England, as my Mum said as we watched it. The Ashes, the Davis Cup, and now the soccer -- the one area they were guaranteed dominance over us <shakes head>

The question of who else was on the CDs I bought was raised, so here’s the song listing.

Simply The Best Song Writers

Disk One

Tracy Chapman, Baby Can I Hold You

Elton John, Your Song

Eric Clapton, Layla (Unplugged)

Cat Stevens Father & Son

David Gray, Babylon

Alanis Morissette, Ironic (Unplugged)

Chris Isaak, Wicked Game

Ryan Adams, Oh My Sweet Carolina

Tom Petty, Wild Flowers

Billy Bragg, A New England

Carly Simon, You're So Vain

Stephen Stills, Love The One You're With

Harry Chapin, Cat's In The Cradle

Nick Drake, Time Has Told Me

Billy Joel, Piano Man

Donovan, Catch The Wind

Tim Buckley, Morning Glory

Jeff Buckley, Everybody Here Wants You

David Ackles, Down River

Joan Armstrong, Love and Affection

Disk Two

Bob Dylan, Tambourine Man

Van Morrison, Brown Eyed Girl (alternate take)

Marc Cohn, Walking In Mephis

Paul Simon, Mother & Child Reunion

Paul Weller, Wild Wood

Rod Stewart, Mandolin Wind

Randy Newman, Short People

Elvis Costello, All This Useless Beauty

Tony Joe White, Rainy Night In Georgia

Bill Withers, Ain't No Sunshine

Jewel, Hands

Badly Drawn Boy, The Shining

Michelle Shocked, Anchorage

Patti Smith Group, Frederick

Kris Kristofferson with Jackson Browne, Me And Bobby McGee

Jackson Browne, Running on Empty

Tim Hardin, If I Were A Carpenter

Beth Orton, She Cries Your Name

Nick Cave & Kylie Minogue, Where The Wild Roses Grow

Lou Reed, Perfect Day (live)

Simply The Best Song Writers 2

Disk One

John Lennon, God

Tracy Chapman, Talkin' Bout A Revolution

Eric Clapton, Tears In Heaven (Unplugged)

Jewel, Standing Still

Paul Kelly and the Coloured Girls, To Her Door

Sheryl Crow, Run Baby Run

Paul Simon, 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

Beth Orton, Central Reservation

Alex Lloyd, Black The Sun

Ryan Adams, Come Pick Me Up

Natalie Merchant, Kind and Generous

Chris Isaak, Blue Motel

k.d. lang, Constant Craving

J.J.Cale, Cocain

Tori Amos, Cornflake Girl

Reichard Clapton, Girls on the Avenue

Rickie Lee Jones, Chuck E's In Love

Jerry Jeff Walker, Mr. Bojangles

Kathryn Williams, No One Takes You Home

Disk Two

Paul McCartney, Calico Skies

Sinead O'Connor, Jealous

Warren Zevon, Werewolves of London

Alanis Morissette, Head Over Feet

Ben Lee, Cigarettes Will Kill You

Suzanne Vega, Luka

Badly Drawn Boy, Silent Sigh

Michelle Branch, Everywhere (Acoustic)

Tim Buckley, Song to the Siren

Stevie Nicks, Love Is

Al Stewart, Year of the Cat

Anika Moa, Falling In Love Again

Jackson Browne, The Pretender

Don McLean, American Pie

Tanita Tikaram, Twist In My Sobriety

Seal, Kiss From A Rose

Carly Simon, Anticipation

Prince, Purple Rain (Short Edit)

Chris Rea, Fool (If You Think It's Over)

I only just managed to remember to tape AtS last night... I think I missed the first 15min. But I’m so going to wind up watching this season, aren’t I <sigh> Now who can I pretend Connor really is...

2003-02-12T18:17:00.000+10:00

Ack. I have so much I want to say today and I haven't typed any of it up offline (normally I type the entire entry up in word to try and make sure it flows a little) and now... I have this computer online and nothing typed up or even really in notes-form. So I won't say anything I actually wanted to say and this will be a very dull entry. Sorry people.

Okay. Firstly. A message to Jen. I got the friggin' thing. Happy now?? It's cheaper than phone calls, I'll agree, and now I just have to figure out how to connect it up to the sound card.

Today was the day with the doctor's appointment. 9.30am meeting at my local job network place after having my body clock so stuffed up by the not-withdrawals I managed to fall asleep at 7.15am. Fun there.

Mum spent the morning filling out bureaucratic forms for N to try and get a small grant to help with living expenses when he goes to uni this weekend. They asked all these questions you need a crystal ball to answer, and then they have the question "Sex?" with a blank space next to it. No 'male' or 'female' to circle or tick.

So what's the answer to that question?

"Yes, please"?

"Not enough"?

"Whenever possible"?

Before my doctors appointment, though, I went into some major retail therapy. When I do retail therapy, I don't buy clothing. I buy books, CDs, DVDs etc etc. Today, I bought AtS season one -- only part one thus far; part two wasn't in stock today. Now I just need to get the courage up to buy season two.

But I'll have fun with season 1. Particularly IWRY. I don't fit the B/Aer stereotype in that I didn't even have a copy of the episode in the house; now I can abuse Angel to my hearts content. He turns back the day because "together they were strong" and Buffy would die if he wasn't there?? Well, buddy, it helps if you show your face over the next 18 months if you wanna help make it so she doesn't have to go and jump off a water tower. And please, can anyone blame her for going to Riley?! At least he managed to be beside her when she woke up in the morning!!

At least, he was until he went and had vampire whores suck his blood, but let's not go there.

Have I mentioned that when my meds are variable I have strange mood swings? The cover for the DVD box has Broody!Angel on it, and so I looked at it as I waited in the doctor's office, and I think I was almost committed. I had this remarkable urge to pick it up and start shaking the box, demanding to know where he left my Real!Angel and doing a Kate Winslet impression at the end of Titanic after Leo dies; "come back! Come back, real Angel, come back!"

I bought the digital camera I keep wanting, so people who read this at the blog can be very afraid if they know how much I adore my cat. Not to mention the long-demanded microphone for the computer.

Then there's the Simply The Best Songwriters volume one and two, which has the bestest song-list ever. But looking through the liner notes to volume two, which has Tori and Cornflake Girl on it, there's the following line:

"Tori Amos has often appeared to use her songwriting as a form of therapy."

Gee whiz, I never noticed that on any of her CDs. I wonder how they reached that conclusion??

I've been wanting to buy volume one of these CDs for a while, but then when I saw the songlist for volume two... well... just... amazing.

And this is a very un-Smurfy entry. Sorry, people. This is why I type them up beforehand.

2003-02-11T18:34:00.000+10:00

Shane, Shane, Shane. Who's the silliest boy in world sport today?

For the heathen residents of countries that don't play cricket, Shane Warne is an Australian spin-bowler, and probably the best spinner in the world (it's pretty accepted, I don't think I'm making any controversial comment there). The cricket World Cup is just starting in South Africa at the moment. The World Cup is like the Olympics of cricket (at least one day cricket) and was going to be Shane's swan song. He was retiring from limited overs and just going to play test cricket and I'm just confusing everyone who doesn't understand cricket even more, aren't I.

But today, on the eve of the start of Australia's World Cup campaign -- and Australia is currently the best one-day cricket team in the world, they won the last World Cup four years ago and it's pretty safe to say they wiped the boards in the recent World Series here in Australia where limited-overs originated -- Shane has tested positive to a banned substance.

He was injured in the recent World Series in a game against England, and the only reason I can think of him taking a masking substance is to get fit in time to play in the World Cup. It's still the most stupid thing on the face of the planet to do.

Should his b-sample also prove positive, he won't be remembered as the best spin-bowler in living memory. He won't be remembered for his massive wicket-toll. He'll be remembered for the disgrace his one-day career ended in, for it will be in disgrace.

Who's the silliest boy in world sport today? That would be Shane Warne.

My head still hurts like crazy, but I guess it's slowly hurting less. Very slowly. But I'm addicted to Blogging and... what do you call the LiveJournal thing? Lj-ing? It doesn't look nearly as good as saying "blogging", does it.

The headaches have really stuffed up my sleeping pattern, too, as I sleep through the day and then wind up watching BtVS season 2 all night long. Oh, the humanity!! <g> Watching Shirtless!Angel and classic B/A scenes is so painful. Last night I wound up watching Surprise, Innocence, then backtracking and watching Reptile Boy (Emily's fault, I swear...) with the director's commentary firmly in OFF mode (because despite being classified as "suicidal" by doctors, I'm not so suicidal as to listen to Greenhack drool all over Cordelia and "her new series based in L.A." -- I like not having to tear my ears out) and Halloween -- today was Lie to Me and The Dark Age, and I expect to watch What's My Line, Ted and Bad Eggs tonight as the new series of BtVS starts (denial, thy name is Smurfy).

Anyway, I turned off the DVDs at 2am and found a Video Hits special on the new Elton John/Leanne Rimes duet. I'm not into commercial radio, so this is the first time I'd either seen the video clip and actually heard the song. For the record, the video clip has Elton and Leanne shaking globes with classic "star crossed lovers" trapped inside; causing havok in their lives.

Am I the only one who was looking and almost half-expecting there to be a tribute to B/A in those globes?

I'm setting up my websites as quickly as I can, moving them from Liquid2K. I've succumbed and gone back to Geocities for the time being, because I can't find anywhere else at the moment that will let me upload what I want. I need it quickly because a). I want to be able to put my harddrive in to be fixed so it actually turns on properly, and b). I'm nominated in the Timeless awards for best humour (like it would be anything else <snort>) and judging is underway and my story isn't online right now. At least, I don't know what version people are hosting and the rewritten version are way better (smooches to Trammie).

I just need to write a bloody archive fic now to tell people I'm up again. Uh... functional? No, that's just as bad. My websites are being hosted again, does that make it sound better?

http://destined.to/smurfyfic

2003-02-10T21:42:00.000+10:00

I'm not going to be around much over the next few days. I've kind of been forced by circumstances into going cold turkey on my meds and my head is spinning, every noise goes straight through me like fingernails down a blackboard and this computer screen is killing me. Not to mention my massive mood swings. I should be better by Thursday (meds! Please! Meds!) and I still don't get my doctor. She tells me it's not withdrawal symptoms when I'm like this, it's because my body is so used to having the meds. Ummm... then please explain what withdrawals symptoms actually are???

Had a big thing on how much I ::heart:: Putin and "old Europe" and the UN in general at the moment, but typing it up will kill me. Also had a thing about how if we get the fires here, it will be next weekend because Mum and Dad are going to be off helping N move into uni and it will be just me and the animals and Murphy's law much? But again, head hurts (note: this doesn't mean that the fires will reach me then, it was going to be a joking and tongue-in-cheek entry and please start breathing again).

Will chat to everyone when my head isn't going to explode.